Introducing myself to the forum

DX'd - Other
1

Hi!

I’ve been diagnosed a year ago. I initially couldn’t accept the diagnose, since I’m against psychiatry in general, as I think it’s a way to market medications. But I do have a problem it seems. It was always aparent, but two years ago I started having auditory hallucinations. They say stupid things about me, but make extremely uncomfortable anyway. Also, sometimes I feel people think I’m an undercover cop and will try to kill me.
I used to smoke weed to relax, but nowadays it leaves me in a depression state for more than a week.

I hate medications, and doctors, but I’ve tried anything at my reach to change my way of being, and I’m worse each day.

Each day that goes on I find it harder to do anything at all, and I just can’t talk to people anymore; most of my activity goes on only in my mind. I have really hard times concentrating to do even the simplest things, and my memory is more ■■■■■■ up nowadays than it used to be.

I still resist to label myself as “ill”, but I can understand that there are other people like me, with my same issues, and the world calls it schizophrenia.

I love music, more than anything, and I feel like being this way allows me things normal people can only dream of, such as improvising for hours without even giving it a thought, or learning new instruments in a completely intuitive way, and very fast.
But all this comes at a cost. I can only do things that are spontaneous. I can’t plan or think ahead, because my intentions change at a very fast pace. I can’t concrete anything.

I’m on a low (2mg a day) Risperidone dose, and at least it helps with sleeping and being more calmed and thinking a bit slower.

I hope more people understood about this issues. I feel very insecure these days because I’m not working (can’t go out of the house, don’t know why) and I fear everyone will think I’m lazy.

Because I’m conscious about it doesn’t mean I can get over it.

I’m writing this for two reasons: to relieve myself, and to leave a testimony for people like me, who are resistant to consider themselves as ill. Maybe you aren’t, no one knows, but get help quickly or your life goes down the toilet!

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I agree partially but not totally as the result of direct experience with both ends of the spectrum. Totalistic, all-or-nothing, all-good-or-all-bad thinking is a MAJOR problem for us.

Likewise. I gave it up years ago. I had to.

Yup. That’s the way it works for us. We get more and more surrounded by the enemy in our own heads.

The denial / pre-contemplation stage lasts until we crash enough time to move into contemplation / consideration, after which identification / acceptance and then commitment / action become possible.

My story in the '90s and early '00s for sure.

Yup. That’s the way it gets to be.

Have you?

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thought i would say hi.
take care :christmas_tree:

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I know I’m sick and I’m ok with it by now. I need drugs to be normal…it’s sad

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Welcome to the forum. You made a fine introduction. I’m sure you’ll find the site usefull and also give some positive input. It’s hard to accept this illness but it gets easier as time goes on and you learn to cope

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Hey, thanks for all the answers. I hope there is some positive input to give. I wish you all a good one!

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it’s not sad @Smprz84 , just like a diabetic needs his/her medication, just like a cancer patient needs his/her medication, just like a HIV+ sufferer needs his/her medication, just like someone with a cold or flu needs his/her medication, just like someone with high blood pressure needs his/her medication, just like someone in extreme physical pain needs his/her medication, I also need my medication. Be strong, we have to.

2 Likes