I work on an as-needed basis at my husband’s insurance agency. I just had a customer come in and as she was leaving she said “You have tremors worse than I do”. So I told her I was on propranolol for them and she said she doesn’t take anything for hers because they just made them worse. I didn’t tell her I was schizophrenic. But anyhow, this had me wondering…
How noticeable or physically manifested is your schizophrenia/MI and/or side affects from APs? Do you pass as normal?
I can pass as normal with a person for about 30 minutes. Which means taxi drivers don’t suspect. The person who gives me coffee doesn’t suspect. Etc etc.
After 30 minutes, I’m out of conversation!
I think my previous colleagues and certain people know (maybe even my manager fired me for that). I have told some people but if i meet someone who I do not see day to day basis, they have no clue.
Amazing you can last 30 minutes. I’m good for about 3. Then, I just want to get away.
For me the more I worry about seeming “normal” the less normal I appear then I can sense that people can sense my insecurity and it just gets worse from there. It’s a big, bad cycle. I hate going out of my house and I hate meeting new people.
You can fool other people, but you can’t fool yourself.
I have nothing to say, so I come up with things that I think sound normal, or at least funny. If I can get someone to smile or laugh and then walk away, that’s the best… But I’ve been at my current work-site (school) for four years and I don’t have a bunch of friends, no one’s running up to say hello and I’m still just awkward with everyone… so, yes, I do think people know something’s wrong with me. I don’t think they’d ever guess the depths of it though.
But you can and I think we frequently do. That’s why so many quit the meds. I know I’very been struggling with that lately… that’s what brought me back to the forum. That frightening thought that “I’m fine. I don’t need the meds and their side effects”. Luckily, I know better and have continued the meds but I think it’s all to easy to fool ourselves.
I survive well enough and for most of the time I pass as normal. I’ve found that being on a consistent couple of meds and dosages for such a long time that I’m able to deal with most things. I do have some things that set me apart…these days the worse would be randomly talking out loud a bit of nonsense which sometimes people think a bit odd. I can get away with being a bit odd! I always like a chat and most social situations are a good thing!