Schizophrenia.com

I'm tormented


#1

I find most encounters with people leave me feeling very worried. Especially when they say i’l give
you a phone, or i’ll send that letter to you in the post. It puts a terrible pressure on me, i become paranoid
find myself hanging round the letterbox waiting at the phone.


#2

That happened to me at the store a bit ago.

some woman said something average like “yeah they are bringing it up right now.”

But what i saw was one of the many things that occur that pile it all on to the point of humanitie’s demise.

Large and small, everything is becoming apocalyptic in my eyes and ears.

A guy could drop a yogurt at the store and ill think “holy ■■■■! thats how it happens right there, some guy trips and accidentally launches a nuclear weapon!” Or “thats it! thats how ill get run over on my way home, a guy zigs when zagging was nessecary and im dead, just like the yogurt!”

and it wasn’t just a woman asking a clerk to bring something up, it was more greed and more hole digging that i saw and heard, i just look at the bigger picture and see the outcomes out of even the smallest of events, even those events play a part in this.

Like a bloody pyramid actually, a blood soaked pyramid full of screams.


#3

I think it’s partly - life. I never make it as far as the encounter.


#4

I’m more paranoid about when I’m the one who tells other that I’ll do something. Probably partly due to a couple friends who I grew up with who seemed to love to psycho-analyze things I did, and a dad who I could never make proud but just laughed at everything I did. Now I don’t worry about it. I know I’m bigger than that. And when it bothers me, I just tell myself it’s fine, because their problem is not my problem.


#5

I sort of write people off in that… when they say, “I’ll call you later.” I just sort of assume they won’t and go on with my day. If they do call, then I’m surprised.

I don’t tell people I’ll call them, because anyone who knows me, knows I won’t. I hate the phone. It really messes me up. I’ll call my sis when she’s late home, but as far as just calling someone? I just never do it.


#6

I used to be that way when other people wanted to contact me, not now so much but when I was on Abilify the fear was a common thing