I need to devise a system or overcoming persecutory thoughts and then publish it
I really want to help people get out from under the fire
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I’m trying my best not to go under these days and I feel like it is time I try organizing my thoughts on the subject. Maybe as tenets.
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I have had them for over three decades. CBT helped me learn how to push them aside. It also doesn’t hurt that in three decades the voices and such haven’t even been able to give me so much as an ingrown toenail. They’re all sizzle and no steak. Safe to act like they’re not real (they aren’t) and do your thang.
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Yeah, I think experience does teach you to start to learn that there are quite a bit of lies being thrown around. What point do voices actually manifest PK kind of levels of s hit. I mean I have had some PK delusions but very few.
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I lived in unrelenting terror for the first few years after my DX. Now my life is more like, “haaaah - that’s hilarious.”
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What example of persucatory thoughts do you have? @FreeLunch
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My voice is claim that my life is going to be viewed in an apocalyptic moment in time and at that point people would be forced to experience my experience like video basically in their minds. Then they go on to detail that because I was hypersexual and masturbated so much for a certain period of time that people will be tortured by the sex of the experience. Then they do thought transference to people around me about such an event and people get upset. They don’t want to experience it. They can’t rebel against it according to the voices command and ultimately blame me for having masturbated. I.e. I should be living my life like a person who is being watched at all times. For a long time, this also was relevant to eating because supposedly eating discuss people who would watch my life going to the bathroom sleeping because of the nature of dreams
I can clean that up it’s voice to text
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Also when I watch anything with an antagonist I get blamed for being psychologically like the antagonist. So if I were to watch Lolita I’m the guy who falls in love with Lolita and I’m a schmuck for it or if I were to Read the fountainhead then I get it compared to Peter Keating etc etc
I’ve come to absolutely loathe polemicists. I just try to avoid their work.
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My voices also constantly tell me they hate me all the time. They like to parent me to some extent in abusive ways. They constantly play off the trope of racism so they’re always calling me a racist or laying in raucous racist intrusive thoughts that really horrify me. I try my best to ethically navigate the complexities of race in our world and they scoff at me for it.
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Ok ill pretend this was me and ill look at it from that angle and break it down.
So maybe im fearful of some apocalyptic event. Its an unknown. I cant prove it will happen but i also cant prove it wont happen.
That leaves the door of possibility open.
I might feel a bit of regret maybe shame due to overindulgence in masturbation/sex from hypersexuality.
So my emotions might be
- Fear (of unknown
- Guilt (about overindulgence in sex stuff)
- Anxiety (about this future event possibly coming true)
So now i can let the voices know that I know why there like this. I may not be able to stop them but now I know their tactic.
I forgive myself for my past experiences and know that I am a human that makes mistakes like everyone else.
Maybe i can make peace on that and try to shift the content to something more positive.
That might work over time it might not but thats kind of a strategy i would take.
Then i would tell the voices to ■■■■ off and i would ignore them. They would probably try to say ■■■■ back to me and then maybe quiet down.
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This is what ive done for the last decade when voices change there content or tactics into trying to bait me to listen to them and try to get me to act on command hallucinations.
I think some of it is cognitive behavior therapy related and some psychoanalysis.
Ive read a lot of stuff on different behavior therapy strategies over the years.
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It’s good advice. Part of what is going on is that the voices have sexually molested be to an extreme degree. They also are essentially doing that to the people around me when they thought transfer heinous intrusive thoughts, or communicate this apocalypse viewership delusion. So even though I am trying to eliminate the behaviors that lead to the supposed guilt, I still can’t really handle watching my voices molest people. I am a kind person I wouldn’t wish these experiences on anyone and it’s difficult to not believe it’s happening. When the voices explain ‘codes’ being used to communicate their (People’s) perspectives as plaintiffs essentially.
I’m really worried about the thought transference and the communications and stuff because I’m about to start work beginning of April and I’m just going to try to plow through it. I mean I’m tired of not working and I need money to live a life that I want and the voices have been in the way for over a decade. So I’m destitute now without my family’s money.
Anyway thanks for chatting this has been good to get off my chest.
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I had sexual hallucinations ive been there man its pretty messed up. But it can get better if your willing to dig into it and break it apart.
I had some sort of supposed dieties that would visit me and take over my body. It was automatic, happened in bizarre situations not just at home.
Of course i know its just the brain hallucinating but it doesnt mean it doesnt feel like its just my brain.
But one day it went away.
I think the main reason it went away is that i wasnt having voices as often or hallucinating stuff as often so the content faded.
Probably from 2015-2018 i dealt with that.
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With the thought transference idea.
Thats another thing you cant prove is possible but also cant prove its impossible.
Its those ideas that arent proveable or disproved that leave your mind wide open for the voices to try and trick you.
I had a seizure in 2011. when I was prodromal. I saw countless timelines of myself simultaneously.
Sorry if that’s a poor description, I can clarify if you are interested.
Unfortunately it proves to me that viewing a life remotely in ones mind is possible.
There’s just too much weird stuff.
I’ve also had tactile hallucinations of intense orgasms that were ‘pixelated’ to reveal that my neurology was being manipulated by a technological means.
Your experience with inhabiting deities only scares me haha
Anyway I don’t mean to drop into the hardcore basis of my delusions
Now I think this thread should be in unusual beliefs
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@shutterbug can you move this thread to unusual beliefs it’s a bit heavy for the lounge
Edit:
Sorry my voice to text wasn’t doing so well. It’s like a Dr. Zen post.
I am at a point where I’m mature enough to confront the ethics of the interaction between myself and my voices.
I’m not ready to deal with the metaphysical questions behind how I’ve had the bizarre experiences that I have.
So unfortunately I do live in a world where I have to consider the potentiality of the high technology existing in a hidden sense that somehow is interacting with me
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It’s very stupid and out of context, but your language is beautiful. I am always jealous of well-spoken ppl.
And what you had written here, reminds of strange things which hapenned during my pscyhosis.
Psychosis was the most absurd thing which happened in my life.
I couldn’t explain my sensations during that time as you did now.
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Oh shucks I wish that were the case!