I'm sure you all can relate to this

DX'd - Other
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When I had my hospitalization last year at age 55 it was rather frightening. Before that, I hadn’t been hospitalized in about 26 years but that place was not the friendly psyche ward at Stanford hospital where it was quiet and peaceful, no loud arguing or violence. That’s how Stanford university’s psyche was.

No, two years ago I was put in the hospital that served the whole county. So we got homeless people, ex-cons, belligerent women, and some punks. I was totally unprepared to go in. But I think the worst part of it was sleeping at night. The men slept in one large room and the women the other large room. The beds were small and just a few feet from each other.

The first night, I realized I was paranoid that someone would harm me in my sleep and it made it hard to fall asleep. The people around me and on each side were talking to themselves a mile a minute and acting vaguely threatening. I did not like this but I had to sleep somehow so I went to sleep on faith that no one would hurt me.

That was 2 years ago. I started thinking about it lately and it finally dawned on me that those other guys were afraid of me. I’m a big guy and they didn’t know me and I must have looked a little ( just a little) dangerous to them. I’m not planning on ever being hospitalized again, It was just stress and my moms death and just some really big losses that put me back in the ward for being suicidal. But IF… I go in ever again by some weird fluke, then heck, I’m going to use what I’ve learned and they will be scared of me alright for real and deliberately.

I went in two years ago being passive and not causing trouble and my gift in return was that not only did the other guys take advantage of it but even the women saw what the men were doing and they saw an opportunity and they took it. Never again.

I liked some of the people in there but I’m not going in if there’s ever a next time like the lamb led to slaughter. If they want to be scared of me or scare me, then I will definitely give them something to be scared about. Oh yeah. And the eggs in the morning were dry and the oatmeal was lukewarm. So it was the wards fault I didn’t like it.

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I can relate to some of that. I just don’t like the annoying ass patients who are there because they don’t want to go to jail. It’s so ■■■■■■■ obvious who they were.

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I don’t think I have ever been in a hospital that was just horrible. I was in a hospital where ninety per cent of the patients were black, but everyone got along. I have been in hospitals that were kind of drab, but they weren’t bad places to be. I used to get much longer hospitalizations - several months at a time. I think they were waiting for me to respond to my environment. Now my longest stay is around thirty days. I’ve been trying to remember when my last hospitalization was. I think it was about five years ago.

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Hopefully you won’t have to go back again. I guess everyone has their method of dealing with hospital. My problem wasn’t with the patients but with the nurses and doctors. So I have my game plan ready too.

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I have only been hospitalized 4 times that I can remember and only in two different hospitals. My wife says I have been hospitalized 7 times but I am sure it was only 4.

One hospital had good food and the other one didn’t. The last time I was in there with some sketchy characters as well. It was really uncomfortable but I was out of it for the most part. Only remember bits and pieces of it.

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