I’m just so p’ed off that I have to have a brother like mine. I have to cut his ass off because he’s negative and a jerk, but I see some brothers go out of their way to be a good brother to their sisters. It just P’s me off! I don’t get why. My mom says he’s just like the people around our area and that’s how he’s been raised. My dad says it runs in my mom’s family, that my mom’s brothers are the same way. They never call, they never text, they don’t care. My brother once said he wanted to beat my husband up when he didn’t tell him where I was my first hospital visit. I just thought, why would you care then and not while I’m doing ok? I didn’t tell him that, just thought it. I hate that only when I’m dead or dying people will come around. I feel like maybe if I just OD’ed. I get the sudden urges to just pop all my Ativan and every pill in sight in my mouth, I would just fall asleep and never wake up. I hate my life. The 19th is my birthday, maybe I was only meant to live to 32. Maybe this is my year to die.
But then, I realize I want to live. Just not feel any pain.
Maybe I’m just too disconnected and need to talk to people in real life.
Sorry to hear you have some family issues. I also have family issues. Most of my family do not contact me, i have to constantly contact them. For the majority of them, i do not make this effort. Only a select few family members understand my condition, the others don’t know about it. I would say talk to your husband or other sympathetic family members about your thoughts and feelings. Hope things improve for you soon.
I will. I’m hope these feelings subside too.
Boy your brother really does trigger a lot of emotion from you. I can see that you care deeply about that relationship and how badly it’s going. But it’s not healthy. And if he’s drinking that’s probably why. The relationship is only as healthy as the individuals in it. It’s too bad that you have to suffer like this. It might be better to cut him off, like you said, then to keep going through this pain.
Yes, I’ve been up all night thinking, and crying. I tried writing in my journal, drawing and listening to music.
Oh honey, I’m so sorry. I know you care deeply. But you’re going to have to put it down for your own mental health. Can you at least try to get some sleep?
Yeah, I’m lying down now. Am trying to just count some sheep. Thank you for being there.
You’re welcome, sleep well
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