I’m just so p’ed off that I have to have a brother like mine. I have to cut his ass off because he’s negative and a jerk, but I see some brothers go out of their way to be a good brother to their sisters. It just P’s me off! I don’t get why. My mom says he’s just like the people around our area and that’s how he’s been raised. My dad says it runs in my mom’s family, that my mom’s brothers are the same way. They never call, they never text, they don’t care. My brother once said he wanted to beat my husband up when he didn’t tell him where I was my first hospital visit. I just thought, why would you care then and not while I’m doing ok? I didn’t tell him that, just thought it. I hate that only when I’m dead or dying people will come around. I feel like maybe if I just OD’ed. I get the sudden urges to just pop all my Ativan and every pill in sight in my mouth, I would just fall asleep and never wake up. I hate my life. The 19th is my birthday, maybe I was only meant to live to 32. Maybe this is my year to die.
But then, I realize I want to live. Just not feel any pain.
Maybe I’m just too disconnected and need to talk to people in real life.