It’s 11:37pm and I can’t sleep. Hubby went to bed two hours ago and I’m tired but feel manic. I have the urge to cut. Took knife and scratched repeatedly but not deep bcuz I’m a coward. I put knife away - reluctantly. I have the urge to cut off all my hair. Why I put knife away and why I haven’t cut my hair is bcuz I’m scared to upset my husband. But God I feel so fcked up right now!!! Like I’m manic or something. … just listening to loud music - dead can dance. I’m dead and I can dance lol! 
can’t relax wanna stay up all night just dancing and writing in my journal. It’s been 8 or 9 pages today so far. Today was a fcked up day. Don’t know about tomorrow. …
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Please call a crisis center or go to the ER immediately @Hadeda.
Sounds like you are in crisis mode.
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I second what @Wave said. Please get help right away. It could get worse, and then where will you be?
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Like the others have said it sounds like it’s time to get some urgent help.
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What I’m worried about is my husband being alone. It’s hard to c omprehend needing hospital is it really that bad? Maybe see how I feel tomorrow and talk to my husband see what he says .I don’t know…I just know i feel quite crazy is it sz or just stress I don’t know.
Can you wake him up? Tell him you really just need a reassuring hug and help getting to sleep. Maybe he can help you get through the night? Reassure you that you’re good enough.
Please be careful with the urges to cut, though. That’s a pretty big red flag. If you can call a crisis center I think that’s a really good idea.
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I’m sorry you are going through a crisis time again, @Hadeda Please get the help from a Pdoc or hospital. Help yourself is exactly helping your husband.
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