I'm in a crisis

DX'd - Other
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To begin with,
I just texted my pdoc,
She said we will taper meds in future but we will do it very slowly, though she still fear I will relapse.

So I started overanalysing my situation… and hell, I am really quite not sure am I ill or no. Maybe I will never be sure. I know something changed from the time of my first psychotic episode, but I am not sure what. Maybe it’s symptoms, maybe it’s just a part of natural changes during puberty to adulthood.

I am literally not sure whether I am sick or not. I can work, but sadly not effectively. I remember when I was one of the best students in class before psychosis, then during psychosis I became the worst, after it I just cheated a lot and became somewhat in a middle.

Also, it’s hard to understand my situation because all the people have so different opinions about me and my illness and my life. I should trust myself - but my opinion, moods changes so fast… maybe I am really delusional sometimes.

I feel like I am in a crisis of confusion at the moment…

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How long have you been taking meds?
Did you relapse or had breakthrough symptoms during this time?

Imho everyone should be given a chance to quit meds. In many cases this will lead to relapsing. But a few lucky ones will be fine.

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I am taking meds for many years. (From 2016 spring) At the beginning no meds helped me at all. I mean I was psychotic for more than a year and no meds helped me.
So I had one very long psychosis, where even olanzapine didnt helped. Overall my psychosis was very drug induced…

Then, when I achieved remission, (on haloperidol and ablify) it was on 2018, I honestly didn’t ever relapsed.
Umm… there was, actually one bad period during that time on my remission. On 2021 I once tried quitting meds, but also several times smoked weed during that week without meds. I felt worse but didn’t relapsed.
Then I came back on meds and didn’t smoked weed.
Situation is a bit confusing. It’s hard to tell whether I felt bad without meds because I smoked weed or because of the fact that I quitted meds.

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I see. So first things first. You acknowledge the past episodes. It means you were psychotic and chances are you’d relapse without meds.
But.
There were also drugs involved.
So, if you could gently come off meds, without touching drugs, the odds of relapsing would lessen.

I don’t advise you to quit meds. But at least, if you relapsed once again, without drugs, this would settle the dispute going on in your mind. You would accept treatment for life. I hope.

For the record, I quit meds twice. I relapsed twice. I’m not a math whiz but it looks like I need treatment forever.

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I always thought the same… if I would have a clear idea if I am really sick or it was temporary- it would be easier for me. So I have this idea, in several years to try to quit meds. Either way it’s good. If I can live without them - it’s good, if I cannot- I atleast would be sure that I truly need meds.

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I quit my meds once and I was in hospital 6 months later.

I’ve also tried to reduce meds on several occasions, but my symptoms always get unmanageable.

You could always try reducing your meds slowly and see if you get any symptoms .

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It’s your decision.
Make sure to have a support team on standby: family, friends, doctor. Psychosis is dangerous.

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You’re right, me and my pdoc decided to reduce vraylar to 4,5 after 2 months.
Maybe then it will be more clear.

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