I’m preparing to return to Canada for my studies, but I am facing obstacles.
I have low grades, and good grades is essential for the student visa. My parents say that they will never send me back if my student visa is denied, and they will never re-try.
I have trauma in my home country, which doesn’t allow me to make friends of my age, or befriend anyone. I just feel like they’re going to hurt me like I was a little child. I left everything behind in Canada- my friends, my support groups…pretty much everything. But now I’m going to lose everything and be completely empty.
The stigma in my country is very high in regards to schizophrenia, and I have no one that understands me. I’ve been told my entire life to hide my illness, even to my brother or my cousins. I have no one to talk to about this illness, and I know that my friends in Canada will eventually fade away if I don’t see them again. I don’t want to talk to my parents because I know that they’ll just tell me that it’s all in my head.
I’ll be completely alone…alone, in sadness, with no one recognizing me, nor loving me.
I’m starting to think that if I don’t end up going back for my studies, I will just kill myself.
I just can’t think of anything else but this.
The voices tell me that I’m not worth it, and I’m going to end up in a bad place because I’ve never graduated in a great university with great reputation.
I’m so sorry to hear you’re going through all that.
I hope you know you can always talk to us about your problems. Even though I know it doesn’t feel the same as face-to-face.
Please don’t kill yourself.
Have you told you parents just how important it is for you to get back to Canada? Are you over 18 or do you need their permission?
Could you possibly work and save up money to go by yourself?
Even if you can’t get your grades up just yet, you’ll be able to persuade your parents to look into things more. It may take a while to persuade them but they care about you, so you’ll manage. In the meantime keep in touch with your friends in Canada. They won’t drift away so long as you put the effort in.
Also, get help with the way you’re feeling. Don’t give up, it does get better.
I know it feels like your world is crumbling around you and the future you want is slipping away, but just remember if you can’t get a student visa for now it’s not the end of the world. You can always get one later by working to improve your grades.
If you are feeling suicidal, please tell someone — a friend or family member, a teacher, a doctor or therapist or call 911 (if you’re in the U.S.) or the Emergency Medical Services phone number in your country.
You can also call a suicide prevention hotline—these are available in the U.S. and in many other countries.
I know it seems like the end right now, but you can make it. Even if you don’t get your student visa this time, you can always reapply again later. You can also apply for work visas. Even if you end up staying in your country, there are options available to you. You can find them. Don’t give up.
Thanks guys. I’ve talked to the crisis chatline minutes ago that offers service in English because my Korean skills are not competent as my day-to-day language, English.
I’m feeling much better, but the hallucinations are actively attacking me. So I’m fighting really hard.
There are few reasons why I am hoping for a student visa this year:
-My term with my university in Canada expires this year and I would not be able to apply again.
-My parents said they will not allow my return once the visa is denied and think it is a “sign from above” that I should never return.
-I have a trauma from child abuse in my elementary school that I went to for 6 years in my home country, leading me to develop a strong fear of living here
-I have no way of getting my grades up since my school is a continent away from me and I actually need a visa to study again to get there
So I just feel absolutely miserable and I hate myself for getting so sick that forced me to move here. I feel that I’m living my trauma all over again, like how I was beaten and ridiculed as a little girl.
I’m just glad to have you guys here. Thank you for being so kind to me. And I’m sorry for everything.
I’m glad you’re getting help, and you don’t need to be sorry.
I think cbt would really help you in living with that trauma. Especially if you’re staying in the country for a while.
There are still options for you getting a visa. Does your university have an interruption process? That’s what I did at uni and it’s worth looking into. If not, try to get your grades up and you can apply again or apply to another uni. Even if you can’t get to uni, you can look into other ways of getting a visa.
Even if you can’t persuade your parents (which I suggest you try to) they won’t control you forever.
Hey, we’re here for you. I’m really glad you called the crisis line. Stay strong, friend. It won’t always be as hard as it is right now. Things will get better. Try not to worry too much. Maybe the path you want will happen but maybe it won’t… Either way, things WILL get better. I promise.
I’m so glad you reached out to the crisis line! And I’m glad you’re thinking more clearly. You never have to apologize about asking for help. Our society praises self-sufficiency, and devalues vulnerability. But that isn’t how it should be. People need each other for support. It’s how we have survived so lon as a species. Keep reaching out when you’re struggling.
It won’t always be as hard as it is right now. Things will get better. Try not to worry too much. Maybe the path you want will happen but maybe it won’t… Either way, things WILL get better. I promise.