well, i got some things done, like getting my house cleaned and getting in some part time job applications. i applied at aldi’s, dunkin donuts, and pizza hut haha. they were all hiring part timers, it would be a 13 mile drive to those places, but o well nothing is hiring part timers here except subway.
anyways while i was away, i realized im losing my lust for life. im not enjoying life as much anymore as when i was younger. and now that im looking to go back to work, i just feel like reality sucks, and i need my escapes, like basketball and silly things. i layed awake for 5 hours last night and was contemplating if i wanted to work part time or full time, and i realized there is no point in working full time, unless i have to. like im going to die alone with no kids, and leaving all that money to my niece and nephew doesn’t seem worth the stress of full time work. but im not suicidal, i just realized im losing interest in life, and living a long life into my 80’s or something doesn’t sound appealing to me anymore. i would just be alone in my later years, and i worry i would lose my faculties, maybe not, and maybe i’ll regain my interest for life but going to talk to my pdoc about it, next time i talk to him.
ok, will keep that in mind. maybe i can’t handle it, im hoping for dunkin donuts personally, as i would like to work mornings and have afternoons and evening free for errands, dr’s appts, and relaxing/hobbies. i only want to work mornings so pizza hut isn’t ideal either i decided, when im fresh, and i don’t get voices in the morning anymore also after a full night’s sleep.