I'm arguing with myself

About the medication. This is driving me nuts. How many times do I have to go through this argument with myself?? My medication
-Keeps the demons away
-Keeps me from becoming paranoid
-Gives me the motivation to actually do things that don’t involve staring at my phone in bed

Even listing these reasons is hard. Does it really help with anything? I still have anxiety. But it’s a really stressful time for me right now so it’s normal for me to have anxiety. Does it help with my mood? I don’t know. Maybe it has made me less aggressive?

But all I’m experiencing right now is the back and forth between the extreme hot and extreme cold metaphorically speaking that is I’m fluctuating between sedation and akathisia/anxiety and it’s pissing me off. And then I start thinking of how I am fine off medication, I don’t need it, it just causes me extra problems but I went on it for a REASON to prevent me from having any episodes this summer and it accomplished that goal!! With how I was doing towards the beginning before I was stable on the meds I would have definitely had another episode! Either psychotic, depressive or both! The last time I spent a long time alone in an apartment over the summer I started cutting myself and drinking!! I was suicidal! And don’t even get me started on the psychotic episodes I’ve been through!! I failed classes and had to do a hospitalization program and this summer with the meds I got an A in my class!!

But then I think well I only need to be on an AP SOMETIMES like at high risk times. But then I think of my negative symptoms and how they have gotten worse over time. What if they continue to get worse?? I have no way of knowing that!! And the meds could protect against that! And it goes without saying I have to be on an AD or I will wind up killing myself one day.

But these meds are just a total B I T C H to be on!!!

I am so sad I couldn’t stay on Risperidone and Zoloft because I’ve never found a combo that worked as well. All because of these STUPID side effects.

Most if the world is on an ad.
I was on them before I went nuts and I will need one till the day I die. It could be worse I say bite the bullet and take the damn thing

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I don’t have much bad to say about ADs aside from that bladder problem Zoloft caused me their side effects have been pretty mild like I don’t think Wellbutrin has done anything bad at all. But APs…APs are assh*les

Have you asked your pdoc to prescribe you something for the akithisia?

I posted something similar about meds not too long ago. I believe you commented saying that meds are essential and that I should definitely be on them. I think that shows your core beliefs: that meds are an important component in life for us. I vote you stay on your meds especially because they seem to work so well for you. Usually these meds reluctance phases pass with most people. Not me but most people. If you decide to come off of them, just know I’ll be right there with ya. But try to stay on them if they help you.

Agree that APs are the devil but most people on here need them. I might be able to come off mine so I consider that to be a blessing. I would gladly take my Prozac every day and put up with the loss of Sex drive and the other sexual stuff and giggle to my grave that I didn’t have to take APs

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@Anna Can you go back on risperidone?
What were the side effects?
Were they life threatening?

I’m surprised that your doctor is taking you off of Antipsychotics.
Don’t you suffer from psychotic episodes?
Your taking a big gamble.

I have benzos but I know I can gain tolerance to these and am frustrated to be dependent on a med to deal with my other med.

@Wave Yes they were dangerous, hyperprolactenemia, sharply increases risk for breast cancer which runs in my family. APN did not want me to stay on it. Not to mention 10 lbs of weight gain a month…that’s a long term danger to me as well.

If I could go on a med that would lower prolactin, then I would go back on Risperidone and stay on Wellbutrin to cancel out the sexual side effects I got.

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There are meds (Dopamine Agonists) that lower prolactin.

I have a slight increase of prolactin from risperidone.
How high were your prolactin levels?

Like Wellbutrin? Because I believe what caused the weight gain was the elevated prolactin. My APN said anytime one of her patients on Risperidone starts gaining a lot of weight she checks their prolactin levels right away and they are always too high so she takes them off.

I didn’t get them officially tested, but I started lactating and that was enough to get her to take me off them.

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Ok, lactating is a bad sign.

I’ve read that some people take risperidone with abilify to lower prolactin levels.

I think that she tried Abilify without much success.
But yes Abilify can lower prolactin levels caused by risperidone or Invega.

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I know right! I truly hate taking meds. Whatcha gonna do though?

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