I have been taking half dose of my AP’S this past week and it seemed Alien was more present as you guys might have read on my posts.
But I still can’t shake off the conviction that nothing is wrong with me and I don’t need my meds.
But just as I wanted to lower my amisulpride even more this morning, I was hit with bad anxiety. I blamed it on my morning coffee. Then the deadness came in. I fluctuate between ok mood and this deadness and sometimes even silliness like laughing too excitedly.
I don’t know what to think - I don’t need meds I’m fine nothing is wrong with me.
Then when I start feeling funny I take my meds a bit more (I increased my olanzapine this morning back to 5mg) and feel slightly better then regret my silliness in taking them.
It’s like a crutch I want to be rid of. I want to walk without it.
I don’t know what to think anymore. I’m in severe doubt about my illness. Am I just taking the meds unnecessarily? I’m eager to stop but I’m afraid.
Why can’t I cope without them? Why do I get so dead and anxious without them? Don’t I rather need Valium instead?
This is exactly how I’d like to feel about myself, but I’ve been through this before. Relapses occur every six months or so at best, every month and a half at worst. There is no guarantee I will be sane this time next week even. I just go with the flow, if I relapse, I relapse, if I don’t I don’t, the doctors say I will be on the meds for life.
take em you need them just let all those moods be you and get on with your life and learn and grow and get better on them.
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@Hadeda, You obviously need your meds. I recommend you stay on your meds. We’ve all been on the merry go round of going off meds and ending up back in the hospital then going back on meds. Why do you want to mess with your brain and your life like that by going off your meds?
Thanks guys for your replies I appreciate it. Sometimes I just need reminders because I lack insight at times.
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