Ok, so i was sick all my life, always symptomatic… Its not like for the most people here, by episodes… I was just out of my mind since i remember myself… I never knew the sanity, the struggle now is for that precisely… It comes slowly i find, but you see how severe i am… plus ill always be fragile around that, i guess that this is the truth… 
I also couldnt have a partner, cause my mind wasnt doing the difference between imagination and real love. My personality was affected too, my real me was burried so i even wasnt knowing who i like… I guess i couldnt really experience a ‘‘real’’ love… Thats how i was, i am open today with all of you here…
The thing is, that now i have this online bf, who is sz too, but he says, that the sz is not genetic at all…
In the same time, he doesnt want kids at all anymore, especially not with me… Idk if we’ll be even together one day… I got even paranoid now, that the others will judge me as soulless to not wanting kids, i dont control yet my fears of the others, but this is a goal too… Anyway, i grieve now, that maybe i wont have kids, its maddening tbh :(…
But all my docs and my mother were really forbiddening me to have kids, thats it here… Sad, am sad now, but am also still out of my mind…
Take care all
I will never have kids and it’s ok.
Sz has a genetic component too, your friend is wrong.
You can’t beat sz with willpower, but you can improve your life by making smart choices (meds, therapy, lifestyle etc).
I won’t have kids either. Maybe a fur baby one day. We’ll see.
I honestly don’t care. Life is about more than having to raise children.
Indeed, life can still be rich even without offspring.
I never truly wanted babies, so it’s easier for me.
It would’ve been nice to be able to raise a child, but I knew I wasn’t patient enough for it, even before sz.
My best friend has a child and I play with them every now and then. Being a parent 24/7 is not for everyone. It’s harder than a full time job.
How is the book you’re reading, Anna? (Sun also rises, by Hemingway)
I’m a proud uncle of some nieces and that works for me. Love ‘‘em to the moon and back 
I had a child three years before I had my first psychotic break. If I had known sz was a possibility before pregnancy, I may have taken extra precautions, like I always did after my break.
Same I get depressed when I think about not ever going to have kids, but some people say it’s a better, happier life. I wouldn’t harp on it though, it’s perfectly fine and normal not to have children
Yeah, am still fully into my illness, plus some people can be judging on that… I’ll still am determined to not care, but i had the wish for kids for long, its really a hit this for me… 
But i was never till now fully stable, neither in touch with my real desires, not the sick ones…
I saw that Katryn Hepburn had no kids as many others, but she was saying about herself, that the reason is that she is quite selfish, this is not good for kids…
and today, i was a bit healthier and me too i saw some disinterest in the kids , am not sure… But yeah, i take account of my sz too, my dad suffered a lot in his life with his mi and we were even terrorized by him… sad…
But yeap, many guys left me only, cause i was a sz and they didnt want kids from me…
I now just have this guy, who doesnt want kids at all…
Oh, @Andrey, am learning about the life on all now as am fighting heh 
I really was like blind, a dead soul and heart too, so i am learning from everything now, even from that book yeap He writes quite frankly about the relationships between women and men, its interesting yeap hah:) Yeah, you remember even what i read, thank you Andrey, it means a lot to me lol 
But i am smashed now again, i’ll just take my benadryl until it lows down my paranoia and my ruminations… It works on me that med, i take it since year even lol…
Maybe my next book will be ‘‘A farewell to arms’’, i just want to learn about the war and its consequences…
For the rest, i still struggle to even watch movies etc, but theres hope.
Do you read something now, dear?
The bell jar was advised to me by my american bf. He is in usa yeap I know about the fate of Sylvia Plath, sheesh. But she seems to have been brilliant…
Ok, ill take my benadryl, it helps even my guilty consciousness and i go to sleep after few hours after it take, it helps Huggies,andrey and the others, lets fight for health, love and life!
No. I am watching some lectures on youtube these days. I am also revisiting the 11th grade algebra textbook, but I wouldn’t call it reading.
Oh, andrey, i was the best at algebra in highschool until it all has gone after my highschool… i was like a machine , for real, no one couldn’t beat me on that… now, i struggle to do a simple multiplications, lol… anyway… i am ill, maybe ill be happier one day with what i have now 
Idk, but i wanted to post this girl here heh 
she is grown up now and still plays and is a virtuoso heh 
my reference on that piece is Itzhak pearlman though, i also know nothing about music theory, but am listening to music still.
Ttyl 
I like kids very much. And im sad that i maybe wont have it. Ive read somewhere that this illnes is inherited by males genetics. Im not sure does that is true.
Well im 34 and i think that first is needed to have good partner and if we can and if im stable maybe will have kids.
I won’t have kids but I’d love to get a dog.
I won’t have kids, because I don’t want to have kids.
I tried to get pregnant when I was married and I didn’t get pregnant. But I was trying because my husband (now ex husband) wanted to have a baby. But I don’t want kids and now I know the most important is what I want. Not what other people want. So now everytime I meet someone I tell: I don’t want kids. And I don’t mind if this person don’t want to see me anymore because of this.
I’m glad you know what you want. You are not being selfish. I have kids, but I have a few friends who don’t and they are very happy. There are many pluses to not having kids for sure. No judgement from me.
Oh, thank you @anon55031185 … 
Tbh, its not still clarified in my head on 100%, but i start to accept my illness, am starting to see, that its very serious too and i dont need an additional hell like it was for me, when i was wanting kids… I’ll see… Even my ex pdoc told me, that i must make some kind of sacrifice around my illness, that everyone, even the normies did some sacrifices too 
…
I am very for szs to have kids, but it depends on the case i find and mine is very complicated in fact… I dont even have a partner yet, am unable to even go to the doc for my health, i lack strengths and energy, plus i can be cold emotionally too sheesh… I am limited even in my choice with the partners, am way too special for a normie… Idk if i’ll be for real one day with my online friend now, who is mi too, we’ll see… But yeap, he claims, that the sz is not genetic, but in the same time doesnt want kids, he has no energy for that either… Some people around me think, that i can find only a disabled partner, this is a bit hard to hear tbh but idk… But i saw how my dad ruined his life around his depressions and the rest, i ended up not better than him…
Am also getting old and am still weak… But yeap, ok, i should chase from my head the opinions of the others, i know, but its still a pressure, you all know this well…
Hugs
I don’t want kids.
I don’t need them.
Maybe it’s not my right time now.
Some people feel the calling for
kids.
I don’t
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