I went to my first AA meeting this evening and it was very positive, everybody was nice, there was around 20 people sitting in a circle and we all introduced ourselves, I was really nervous but I spoke in front of the group and told them I’m unsure if I am a alcoholic but I do have a bad drink problem. I drink too much. I said I suffer from denial, alcohol is ruining my life. It was so positive going. I’m going back to my second meeting next Tuesday.
What I found very positive is that their are people who talked and they have a similar story to me and they’ve been in abstinence for 18 months, and they’ve said if they can do it anybody can do it. I found that encouraging.
Yeah, that’s how a typical meeting goes. You’re all there for a common purpose and you’ll find out the the roughest, toughest people there can actually be the nicest people when you talk to them. I’m not a hardcore person at all but I was on a friendly basis sometimes with bikers, ex-cons and people who ran the streets. Everybody there wants to help each other stay clean and sober and you’ll hear a bunch of interesting stories.
Personally, I was hooked on crack. Nowadays, there might be more addictive drugs out there but back in the '80’s when I was using, crack was the most addictive drug there was. I still managed to get clean though, with the support of the groups, getting a sponsor and working the steps. That’s great that you went to a meeting and great that you had a good experience there.
I’m trying not to catastrophic think but when I got to my turn to speak I said, ‘’ I don’t think I’m an alcoholic but I do have a drink problem and alcohol is ruining my life, my finances and friendships and health , maybe I’m in denial’’ - because alcohol is ruining my life! I’m worried me saying that it has kinda alienated myself from the group. I don’t want them to think I’m better than them because I’m not! I’m into with the god aspect but I find it hard with the alcoholic accepting aspect, if that makes sense?
I’d say you wouldn’t be there is you didn’t have a problem with alcohol. Anyways it doesn’t matter how much of an alcoholic you are just that you find a way to stay clean if that’s what you need and want. I mean if you cant stop and It’s affecting your life, aa sounds like a good idea. My mom, two sisters, and brother in law worked the aa program. They’ve all been clean for years.
The Big Book says “The only requirement for membership in AA is a desire stop drinking.”
You don’t sound sure of whether or not you’re an alcoholic. There’s a literature and tests online to see if you’re an alcoholic or not.
Having doubt is nothing new. My first five years in AA, CA and NA I doubted if I was really an addict because of where I came from and because I seemed so different from all the other addicts there. They all seemed like real addicts to me.
I finally found some literature in a meeting that asked a series of questions about my drug use. It said, “If you answered yes to any two of those questions then you are an addict.” I answered yes to like 7 or 8 of them. I also took multiple online tests to see if I was an addict and determined I was. The tests ask simple questions like do you hide from people how much you drink? Or, “Once you start drinking are you able to stop?” Questions like those.
I visited a friend today for a couple of hours and didn’t drink which I would usually do. I’m determined to make it too Tuesday for my second AA meeting without drinking.
