I had the paranoid delusion that the whole world hated me for many years. The only thing that kept me from being depressed and down about it all was the knowledge that my spiritual entity adored me. And that was all that mattered. Nevertheless, the constant hate wore me down. Then, my pdoc put me on a third AP called Seroquel. First on 50 mg. Then, titrated it up to 200 mg. My paranoia changed to a belief that only the people on the outside of my assisted living facility hated me. The people in the facility all loved me. Then, gradually, over a years time, I came to believe that everyone the whole world over was benevolent. And that’s where it stands today.
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I had the same feeling. I would go to some party and think that everyone hated me. I thought all the people at my kids’ school hated me. I even thought my friends hated me. I used to think that the only reason why they hung out with me was to please my husband. I did get depressed about this. Very seriously depressed. I also thought that it was unfair for me to have become a mom because now people hate my kids because they hate me.
This went away gradually after I started taking APs. Now I don’t think that at all. Its amazing how all the social gatherings changed after I started taking APs. No one hated me anymore and no one was out to get me or get me kicked out, etc. (Though I still have anxiety issues with parties, it has nothing to do with people hating me, just with people being present in too large quantities.)
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i must have a very serious and hefty dose of paranoia because i still struggle with the everyone hates me issue (except for fellow people with sz).
it is getting a little lighter but it is still there.
hugs, judy
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Yeah, where everyone is evil, like really ■■■■■■ up evil? Yeah I’m there too, so you can count one out of your delusion. But I’m learning its part of their system, that which I don’t wish to pursue anymore. And it makes me feel like ■■■■ cause I’m like, little kids know how to do this ■■■■, WTF?
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This is one of my biggest struggles, and why I cant maintain friendships or relationships. I constantly feel like people are trying to gas light me, or secretly hate me. I remember one time I was convinced my boyfriend must be trying to haze me somehow because I would always put the toilet paper one way and somehow it would always be moved. I eventually confronted him about it, and it was a completely harmless coincidence.
I go out with a friend, and I over analyze every word to the point of not being able to understand what they are saying because I’m so busy searching for hidden messages. When alone, i tell myself that they clearly hate me and they are lying to me. Its hard to separate the truth from the delusions. Figuring out what slights are real or imagined…its the most difficult process.
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