I know that, ive known that for a while, i just dont have faith that they will do much, they never do, and sometimes just make me a lot worse off. But i am not okay. Most days i feel like im barely holding it together. I am starting to not sleep right again. Nightmares and waking up with intense anxiety. Migraines. Meltdowns. Panic attacks. Positives. I heard a lot of indistinguishable whispering this morning, it lasted for a while. I keep hearing “you are not a good person, idiot”
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Go back on meds asap.
I wouldn’t dare to quit them
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I went off in like october i think because it was absolutely making me worse. I got better off of invega. I dont understand what happened. I was doing ok on it for a bit. But it seems how they all go
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I feel better on meds despite the side effects.
When I lower meds I feel disintegrated with loud voices and sleep issues and tense.
I don’t see any way without them right now.
I just have to exercise harder to remain a healthy weight.
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How did meds make you worse?
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My poditives got really bad. Like i was house bound
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And when you quit,
what happened to the positives?
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They disappeared for a little bit. Now theyre back
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Of course they’re back.
They always come back.
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I always forget what its like the times I have gone off medication it seems. I can remember it somewhat but my brain/mind doesnt stretch to it. Memory is complicated with schizophrenia or just in being human inundated with chemicals and distractions.
I know its not that Im blocking it out, I dont think being off it causes any sort of trauma? It just seems that I process things differently off the med that works. the only times I went off medication for several months, I experienced deeply intense dissasociation and derealization–i can remember that through the lense of medication but i dont remember how other people saw me or their motives because/other than they were just dismissive.
I can understand that people were dismissive, hostile, abusive, demeaning and controlling…it never helped to be treated that way. I wish people would have just ignored me but then again the people who were compassionate and explained things made a world of difference.
Still, those explanations are through the eyes of domesticated social norms. The illness does make one feel sort of radical, and not all my experiences were so narrowly able to be categorized. I miss some aspects of the freedom of thought-flow but I do not miss the psychic intensity. My mind turns into a magnet, and all the information just flows into me and then i project it back into the world.
Or thats just what I see it as during an episode, or what it feels like. For example: “I feel like time has stopped.” normal person “Im spacing out” logic is the thing that is hurt most with schizophrenia, thats why its a real illness. we lose the ability to rationalize and use logic to reason and overcome the illness. then we remove stress and heal trauma to help with types of hallucinations…
I thought I time traveled only to realize I was just having a reaction to an SSRI and I was spacing out…this conclusion came after I was taken off it and the medication I need was increased. I have no idea why as a woman everyone wants to call me schizoaffective or bipolar when I feel like an emotionless walking zombie for my entire life. what the fuccck call it hyper sensitive but dont call me bipolar because I cry at movies
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that you are able to reason and are aware u need to continue with it shows that u are probably in the right frame of mind to go back on the meds and to heal hopefully get better…hugs whatever your decision is i wish u well.
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Not a good idea. To quit meds
I would suggest Aristada. It’s a good med. Got rid of all my.positives and even helped some with negatives.
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You would have too in my shoes
I will say, I am off APs. Pretty common knowledge here. But, I waited until I had been stable for a good,long time. Not based on what I thought was stable, but on what others saw.
I tried it once before and as soon as symptoms started up, went back on APs. So far, this time, I have been able to keep insight and control any breakthrough symptoms.
@Moon , I’m going to be straight with you. Based on your posts sharing symptoms and the way you think, you are not ready to be off meds. You suffer quite frequently and fight against your own self interest.
Going back on meds would save your life. I worry about you making a very bad spur of the moment decision that would end horribly.
You can absolutely find a med that works, but if you keep playing with dosage or going off, those meds will stop being effective. By all means, try meds, but don’t give up before a month is up with each.
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I dotm didagree, i jsut feel super hopeless about it. Drs cant even agree on what i have. I had to switch drs last year bc my therapist quit her job and the drs im seeing now dont seem to know whats going on. Im just tired. Ive been explaining these things for a long time to new people and im exhausted.
I know. Hugs 
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Dang, sucks you gotta go back on, but it’s better than the alternative.
I had little faith in meds too until I tried abilify. I’m so much happier now, it’s my forever med(or until it stops working)
Hope you have some idea of what you might want to try, finding the right one can make all the difference.
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Are you just going to keep going on and off your meds forever? You keep changing back and forth and it can’t be good for you mentally and probably physically either. Seems like maybe you got to make some kind of decision and stick to it?
@77nick77 I did the same thing for over a year, it happens.
It’s trial and error and made worse with poor communication I think
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