I’m worried about a friend that I saw recently and hadn’t seen in about a year

She’s 40, very pretty and very sweet. She’s also a recovering severe addict.

While she was in a residential recovery program, her husband lived with us for 2 years so the 2 of them could get back on their feet.

Anyway, she’s always been thin, but her husband is always on her to try different diets and workout routines so she stays thin.

Well, she’s now extremely unwell. She’s 5’5” (165.1 cm) and only weighs 88 pounds (39.91 kg). She’s got kidney stones, a horrible strange rash and a lingering cough. She isn’t strong enough to walk from one end of a store to the other. Her heart isn’t well and she’s now on heart meds.

If her husband showed her love and acceptance I don’t think she’d be so unwell. I’m scared. I’m worried she’s going to die.

Since seeing her a week ago, I’ve checked in on her everyday. She’s being open and talking about her problems. I’m glad she’s able to open up. I’m here to listen, but what can I do other than tell her the good things about herself and listen to her?! I wish I could help her. I did tell her I think it’s time to have a serious talk with her husband about him not loving her and if they really should still be together. Other than that, I don’t know what to do

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5’5 and only 88 pounds is very dangerous. I hope she gets better.

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She may need to think about an eating disorder residential treatment center. I know of a good one in Florida if you want a recommendation.

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Yes @Pickpink , I’m interested. We’re very far from there but maybe she’d be willing to go that far, I’m not sure.

The Refuge, in Ocklawaha (ocala) FL. The have a substance abuse and PTSD program and an eating disorder program. They keep the two separate since meals and snacks are open with the SA/PTSD program. Its a beautiful campus, out in the country, and i loved going there. I actually went 3 times, twice to focus on substance abuse and once for PTSD. You make some amazing connections.

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Thanks so much @Pickpink ! The next time she opens up I’ll recommend it

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That’s super F’ed up of your friend’s husband to treat her that way. If he really loved her he wouldn’t care about her weight.

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I agree @Montezuma . He has his own demons. He used to be a bodybuilder. Now that he works and can’t do that anymore, he won’t allow her to see him without a shirt on.

It’s a really messed up situation for sure. I feel the worst for her though

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she might have an eating disorder and not telling you.

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Idk if she can’t walk maybe he’s now her caregiver? Abusers can be caregivers abusive ones but that’s how it sounds like it’s just another way to control her… Idk if she’ll be willing to go she might feel stuck with no where to go

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She does have an eating disorder and is honest about her struggle with it @jukebox

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Yeah @Twialine . Although, he’s withholding intimacy from her until she starts working again. He literally admitted that. It’s a full blown nightmare of abuse

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@LilyoftheValley most women don’t leave because they feel stuck, feel like they deserve it, it’s their fault, and they’ve been brainwashed… I was abused and it’s hard to leave… I actually thought death would be better than leaving a lot of the times because at least I wouldn’t be abused anymore… I finally left but it took a lot to happen to me for me to leave

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I’m trying to help her see it’s not her fault. She’s done nothing wrong. She was already thin (not that that matters) and she had to stop working due to a bipolar flare up (also not her fault). He’s being a mean abuser. My husband decided to stop being friends with her husband over this and they’ve been best friends for over 30 years. It’s so disheartening. I’m so sad she’s going through this

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@LilyoftheValley it is sad but there might be nothing you can do but try it’s up to her in the end

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Yeah. I just hope she survives this and gets strong enough to make a better life for herself

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@LilyoftheValley so do I

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