I’m so close to do something stupid

no one is helping me to get rid of these thoughts and it’s exhausting living with them

Well, you’ll have to live with the consequences of your actions.

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The very best thing you can do is to let your caregivers know how you feel so they can either help you avert the crisis or help you pass through it safely without getting in trouble.

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idk if anyone can help me anymore

Sure they can. It’s just not going to happen as fast as you want. Sorry. We don’t get sick all at once and we don’t get better all at once, either. It’s a slow and frustrating process so hang in there. The fact that you can tell you’re approaching a crisis is a huge improvement you know. Let your helpers help you.

:hugs:

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this feels just a permanent state i can’t get rid of ever and it sucks

It might be permanent, but you can also learn to live with it. I have and I know others who have. I’m in my fifties now and I’m married with an adult daughter. I have a lot of the same stuff going on in my head now that I had in my twenties, but I have learned to ignore it and that includes paranoia. Therapy picked up for me where my meds left off.

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i hate fearing my mom and she probably hates it too

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Does anyone know how to get rid of the paranoia

I isolated. Watched movies. Basically zoned out and waited for the paranoia to subside.
Isolation helps sometimes…but only if you aren’t depressed

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how to calm my thoughts down so i wont do something stupid

Grounding techniques
Listening to music
Watching TV
Talk on phone

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It’s no good living with these thoughts and I wish the doc would do something about it

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Do i really need to do something drastic to get help

No. All you need to do is ask for help and be honest about your issues

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I tried last time but the doc didn’t understand me

It is hard to talk about upsetting things face-to-face with a doctor. I find it helpful to write it down in advance. Have you considered that? Being honest with your doctor before you have an episode will increase the respect you receive.

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i’ve been honest but they dont get me

Well, either there is a communication issue or you are experiencing delusional thinking and your problem is that they are unwilling to entertain the delusion that you are caught in. Either way, you still need to let a doctor know in advance if you feel you are getting close to being in crisis.

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I dunno. I’m stressed because of exams coming next week