I went the first eighteen years of my life knowing nothing, nothing at all, really nothing at all.
I walked in a dream state completely happy and inwardly comfortable.
When my first psychosis began that was ripped away in an instant and it all flooded in.
I can still remember hearing the neighbors in the apartment next door moving around behind the wall, but instead of seeing the normal people i always have i saw what they really were, complete and utterly monstrous entities.
I looked out over the landscape the first few moments of psychosis and i could see how awful it was all of a sudden. I was pacing around and looked down and saw a dead lizard on the ground, it was crushed, and they told me that was me, that they were going to do that to me. Pretty scary ■■■■ actually if you ever go through it.
It all just became so awful, which is the way it really is.
All of the information happened unnaturally as well, it was forced into my brain.
And the threats, and images being given to me by them weren’t helping either. Images in my mind being put there by them, like an evil fanged face looking down on the world and grinning, it was true and they were there maiming me and showing me these things.
How could i have thought this was a good place? Almost twenty years i thought it was, what a delusion that is.
I can also remember leaving the home when my mind first became completely invaded by them and looking back at it for a moment and seeing a gate going into the backyard. They began making me see a gate, but not just any gate, a dark dark gate. They used the visual as a metaphor and what i saw ended my life as i knew it.
I haven’t smiled since, i haven’t felt good since.
It’s like getting mauled by an invisible bull.