I just saw it all of a sudden

I went the first eighteen years of my life knowing nothing, nothing at all, really nothing at all.

I walked in a dream state completely happy and inwardly comfortable.

When my first psychosis began that was ripped away in an instant and it all flooded in.

I can still remember hearing the neighbors in the apartment next door moving around behind the wall, but instead of seeing the normal people i always have i saw what they really were, complete and utterly monstrous entities.

I looked out over the landscape the first few moments of psychosis and i could see how awful it was all of a sudden. I was pacing around and looked down and saw a dead lizard on the ground, it was crushed, and they told me that was me, that they were going to do that to me. Pretty scary â– â– â– â–  actually if you ever go through it.

It all just became so awful, which is the way it really is.

All of the information happened unnaturally as well, it was forced into my brain.

And the threats, and images being given to me by them weren’t helping either. Images in my mind being put there by them, like an evil fanged face looking down on the world and grinning, it was true and they were there maiming me and showing me these things.

How could i have thought this was a good place? Almost twenty years i thought it was, what a delusion that is.

I can also remember leaving the home when my mind first became completely invaded by them and looking back at it for a moment and seeing a gate going into the backyard. They began making me see a gate, but not just any gate, a dark dark gate. They used the visual as a metaphor and what i saw ended my life as i knew it.

I haven’t smiled since, i haven’t felt good since.

It’s like getting mauled by an invisible bull.

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Hi Pan-Hugs to you**

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I couldn’t had said it better myself. My first psychosis happened when I was 18 too, all the time before that I was completely oblivious to life. It was dark and I was smoking a blunt in my backyard when in an instant I could hear voices behind our car, so I check, but nothings there…paranoia right. So I carry along even though I can still hear it, because I think its some people in the distant talking.

Then I finish and return in the house, but then its like hell. My family knew I smoked so i would walk in the house high all the time, but when I got in there I could hear everything. Now I did a lot of drugs when I was 18, smoked weed regularly, smoked spice a lot, lsd, drunk, did bars, tabs and a lot of other pills, all this probrably since 15. This time was different, it was like no high I had ever experienced( and it was only weed). Then I started noticing a lot of coincidences happening, the voice getting louder, it was like a bad dream, voice kept telling me to JUST TO GO TO SLEEP, so I do it.

But when I woke up it was still loud, I still heard people voices, that day I tried not to smoke and let that high come down… it never stopped. From that day the voices never stopped, I then became aware of all the things that happened previously in my life, all the bad I had done, all the bad that had been put upon me. it was like I was reborn that day, and my new life sucks.

Could not smoking that blunt had avoided this… or was it inevitable. You’re right it did happen to sudden, and my life hasn’t been the same since.