I have to make a choice

So after many many months, I finally managed to go into work again on Thursday. Since that day I am constantly thinking about it, I do not want to go back. I am constantly dreading going in… I do not think I can because if I do I am going to hate myself more and more. I need a fresh start some where else… jobs are not easy to find right now but I do not think I can stay here I am going to drown.

Why are you dreading going in?

When I went back, the first thing my manager did was take me aside and tell me I should think before I speak. I know this and this is the reason why I did not want to go back, I felt guilty like nothing else. I always maintained I knew it was paranoia even when making those accusations. But the more I stay in this hostile enviroment where no one is anyones friend, the more I am going to hate myself.

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It sounds like a really cool job from what I remember . I thought you had friends there too?

I do have friends here, but I do not feel welcome by a certain few anymore. And the more I feel I am not wanted there, the more I do not want to be there.

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Why did she say that to you?

Pretty obviously because I made accusations, but even when I did I did say I think it might be paranoia… she can say what she likes but no one there hates me as much as I hate myself … i could have lost sommeone their job and I am well aware of it.

Sorry if I missed this, but what did you accuse someone of?

I said to my manager I might be being paranoid but I think my colleague is saying nasty things about me …

And in saying that I said I needed time off to feel better…

I work in an office and people at my job sometimes say not nice things about co-workers. We spend a lot of time together and get on each other’s nerves and step on each other’s toes. For what it’s worth, I think it’s unlikely you put your colleague’s job in danger by saying you thought she was saying rude things about you.

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If you really can’t work there anymore, I hope you can find a new job where you feel more welcomed. I had a job where 2 girls were mean to me on my first day and it never changed the whole year I was there. I wouldn’t go back for anything in the world.

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If your colleagues are mean you can find a new place. However, if it’s paranoia, the paranoia will follow you to a new workplace. How are your studies going? Weren’t you studying to become an accountant?

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I had an exam last week for one of the modules and passed… but im not sure to continue as I struggle with motivation especially to work and study too

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I have the same issue. I work from home and will start studying again in September. The stress of all it can make me depressed. There are no easy answers.

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