I got very paranoid to the point I asked one of my colleagues if she thought my other colleague was saying something bad about me. I am so embrassed that I was contemplating if I should go back. I explained the situation to my colleague saying I know I got paranoid and I know it was irrational of me to have these thoughts, she said everyone there misses me… and she means it. I will go back but I am just awaiting my treatment to start.
So the situation isn’t that bad. Not everyone hates me.
I know. I’m learning to accept it’s the anxiety talking . I just don’t want to get into that cycle of quitting another job again. Because I have a really flexible civil service job that’s zero hours. Meaning if im not feeling well I can just take time off for a bit and no one says anything. Won’t get that kind of job again.
Yeah, I have a friend with GAD, and I figure it must be tough because almost every morning when he comes into the recovery centre he’s so anxious he has panic attacks at times. Just getting nervous for no reason at all, really. Yikes!
I know it is harsh @anon96671092 … I feel that I’m way too harsh on myself and because I see myself negatively I expect everyone else too as well. It’s really difficult to get out of that thinking pattern as I don’t know how… It’s like telling someone with psychosis what they thinking is not true.
I don’t think all my thinking is right but it FEELS true and I can’t simply change the way I think its really difficult.
Yeah, @anon80629714, living alone by myself gets me ruminating about the horrible person I was years ago. I know there’s still certain people maybe that still see me that way. But, I know that the people who really love me now would never hold that against me. I’ve found that if you’re vulnerable enough the right people will gravitate towards you and some really amazingly positive things can happen to you. You know one thing I’ve noticed about you since coming back? I don’t think you’ve been swearing as much. You’ve come a long way, so stay strong.
I can relate! I just started a new job after working in sales for 4 1/2 years. The difference being I have a lot (a ton!) more co-workers. We’re all jammed in this mini warehouse and having sza and gad spells trouble for me at times.
Remember to know ambivalence; meaning it’s not a question of being liked 100% or disliked 100%. For me, as long as I’m a nice guy who gets nervous-- it is what it is.
Sounds like your ears are giving you the most trouble. My ears listening to me speak gives me the most angst. Sometimes I am able to luck my way into thinking positively. I keep searching for myself when I talk… only way I can ‘turn the tide.’ I’m off to work, good luck!