My doctor said to me almost a year and a half ago that I’d be on meds for 2 years… in 8 months my 2 years will be up and I get to see if I had a drug induced psychosis or if I have schizophrenia… am I nervous? ■■■■ yes but is my excitement out weighing my nervousness? Indeed it is… things will get better over these 8 months I’m almost positive but until I’m off these meds completely I will not be truly satisfied… I had 10 months on invega sustenna and trinza and I’ve been on abilify maintena 200 mg for around 6 months. Next month I will be lowering my abilify shot and if i stay sane while lowering my dose to next to nothing then I’m saying screw it and going off… I’ve lost literally almost everything this past year and a half… I’ve lost my girlfriend, my looks, my emotions, my ability to play music, my uncle, my grandfather, my ability to enjoy anything, my ability to workout, my ability to have sex… but no more…I will slowly regain most of these losses and come forth shining bright as the moon… it’s been a dark road but if I can just stay sane by staying away from weed and drugs and booze then I will make the most out of this life and never forget the people I’ve met during this experience… I will make music for the purpose of sharing my story along with the others I’ve met…I will take no breaks I will shed until my skin peals and be the best pianist I can be… because that’s what I’ve always wanted, to become the best musician I can be… I know that when I go off meds I will get my timing back, my motor skills back, my reflex’s and my internal voice and dialogue which is a key aspect of making music which I have lost… please god don’t let me loose my mind again…
Yea I know the feeling. I had a psychotic real nightmare recently now I’ve sort of got that on my mind a bit.
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