Im feeling it intensely. This is whats bothering me. My brother came home for the weekend, and I found a bunch of stuff that had been missing. But its not like stuff thats been missing. Things that were broken, suddenly put back together unblemished, things that I threw away in the trash miles apart, in drawers or out in the open. This has always happened to me, actually, in secret. But its causing me to grapple with my sanity. There was a letter I had written that I left at the old apartment and I swore also threw in the garbage where I made a vow to be my true self and stop the meds. And I have been taking the pills, and its like this paper was sent to me to remind me it scared me…I dont think anyone put it there on purpose, but it was just there—out in the open, in the empty bedroom after my brother left. And then, I found the book the house of leaves which is a horror book about a house with spooky stuff like that…and I started reading it, it kind of comforted me actually.
I was hearing in the back of my mind- Gabby dont read it. dont read it. So I had to put it down. When I get in these moods I usually open windows, perfume or light incense, and try to get outside or fresh air. Had coffee with my mom. She’s doing ok, also not happy with how she can get sometimes. I try to be respectful but she’s always snapping at me.
