I don’t know what to do. My husband is talking again of wanting a child and although I was open and accepting of it when I got married, I never ever really wanted children. I’m terrified of pregnancy and childbirth and having no time to myself anymore. And although there’s advantages to having a child (like playing with them and teaching them), I get worried I wouldn’t be able to cope due to sza (and hubby’s epilepsy). I don’t know what to do, have to speak to a lot of people and do research. I lack the desire to have kids. I don’t seem to have that maternal pull to babies like most women have. But if it’s my own would that make a difference? I want to please my husband but could I cope with a child plus my illness? And having to go off meds to fall pregnant may be difficult too. I don’t want to disappoint my husband. How do I handle having kids without having another potential breakdown?
I asked my husband if he will still want to be with me if I don’t want kids and he said then no it won’t work for us.
He wants kids and I don’t. I’ve never truly desired kids. I was open to the possibility when I got married but given the opportunity to choose, I honestly don’t want kids.
It seems like my marriage is coming to an end then
Looks like my sza won - again. I don’t know what to do.
I don’t think you’re doing anything wrong by saying you don’t want kids. You should have the right to say no. Its your body and its probably going to be your time spent raising them, and if you don’t want to do it now, going through with it is a very bad idea.
This kind of fundamental conflict ideally would have been discussed before marriage.
Yes, I was stupid not to be honest enough but I really thought my sza was gone and that I could cope and be open to possibility. Seems like I’m not - and my sza came back.
I think you should talk to your psychiatrist. My psychiatrist thinks that I can have a baby and that I am able enough to give him or her a good education. And anyway I’m not alone. I have my husband. He can help me a lot.
If you don’t want to have kids, don’t be afraid to tell your husband. It’s really sad if he leaves you for that reason. Maybe you deserve someone better.
My sza developed after I had my second child. With my mental illness I am not able to care for my children. Had I known that I would have this illness I would have chosen not to have children. That’s my two cents.
This stress is enough to make me wanna cut… if only hubby would accept just the two of us with no kids but it seems unfair for me to deny him his choice as well.
I understand your point of view…what a difficult and sad situation for you.
I have a son and i too developped psychosis after he was born. One side: I never really thought about having kids, but since i was pregnant i have loved him so much and am so happy he is there. The other side: i cant take fulltime care of him, and im frightened i pass the psychosis risk on to him. So i can see why you dont want a child, especially if you never desired one, and this is so fundamental you dont want to compromise.
It is terribly sad your husband wants to leave you over that. Sending you hugs and lots of strength to deal with this. Might it be he is only saying this because he is sad about it now, and wont leave if you really decided on a no?
You said you’re terrified of pregnancy and childbirth, but your hubby wants kids. Maybe you could adopt just one child? That way, you don’t have to go through pregnancy and childbirth and he would still get the kid that he wants.
But if that still sounds like too much to handle, I understand. I plan to adopt a child someday, but I still worry that I’ll struggle to take care of them. I have SzA, as well, and it has made it so that I can only work part-time and I struggle with taking care of myself. My husband will help with the kid whenever he’s home from work, though. You have to be a good team.
I think so yes. I believe he will be understanding - he is a good sort, a wonderful man. That’s why I got so upset.
Maybe I can think of hubby and me adopting a child like @Blossom says. Although it’s only if he’s desperate for a child because although it’s better than going thru all the pregnancy and childbirth and baby woes, it still involves a lot of time and responsibility and they may be traumatised if I have an episode and see me yelling or see my cuts or my depression and tears or hypomania etc etc, you get the picture
Thanks guys for all your responses I really appreciate it!
Do it! Schizophrenia isn’t a death sentence. I have it and my life is great right now. I mean, I’m not a huge success or anything, but I’m happy!
Also, by the time I got sick, I could handle it. You’re strong, your kids will be too. Either they don’t get it, or they do and they endure. You’ll be proud of them either way.
Plus, the treatments can only get better with time.
I know you could argue I feel this way simply because I’m semi-asymptomatic, and that I’m not taking it seriously enough, but I get tired of all this eugenics talk.
As the mother of five, I know what it’s likes dealing with children and sza and it’s hard work dealing with it all. If you don’t want children, then don’t feel guilty about it. Having children is a huge hurdle with couples. I hope you two can come to agreement that is healthy for the both of you. Don’t have children if you don’t want them. There are already thousands of children who are raised with no love And thrown away. We don’t want to add to that.
I was terrified of having children.
I had lots of boyfriends over the years, one had a brother with sz so I was definitely scared of that.
But I stayed a virgin and didn’t think of marriage, just having fun.
So 10 years after my last relapse I got married was very happy.
We had one son and then my husband did something bad that changed our lives forever and I had another relapse.
But that’s why kids have two parents.
So now he’s 27 and I’m so glad to have him around. It’s a long wild ride but was definitely worth it.
