I do want to support her (I actually do) but honestly I also want to concentrate on my own life because I really don’t understand her
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Have you asked her what she needs from you?
What kind of support do you think support is?
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Yeah I have. She wants to talk over the phone instead of texting because it tires her brain.
Thinking about it, she’s not asking me much. She calls me only once in a while. And we talk for 30min or so at one call. That’s all.
But what I don’t understand is that she sounds cheerful over the phone. Is she recovering? It’s been only a week after the diagnosis. I asked her so, then she said “not that much, only a little”
She says she’s mild case, but her doctor said my mom had had depression for the last 10 years at least thats the doctor’s opinion. 10years depression and mild case???
The more I think about it the less I understand. Guess I need to stop thinking about her and concentrate on my own life.
When I feel cheerful, I act cheerful. When I feel depressed, I act depressed.
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You have a moral imperative to take care of your mother. That is especially true if she has stood by you through SZ. I’m going to put this bluntly – don’t be selfish.
Please read my comment before you first.
People with depression can be highly functional too.
Yeah, a 30 min conversation doesn’t sound like much. Especially if you’re mostly listening. If she expects you to provide a 30 minute monologue, of course that might be a problem.
Something about women: just talking for 10 minutes a day is really helpful. It’s been studied 
I did and even reread it. Sorry for being so blunt, but I have strong feelings about somebody abandoning their mother.
Actually I enjoy the conversations, lol And she calls at normal times (not at midnight I mean).
I guess depression is really different from schizophrenia. But both do have similar symptoms.
Especially she tends to push herself when she needs rest, so I’m worried.
Since last year we are planning to travel next month and she says she’s really looking forward to it. I do most things like making a reservation for a restraunt or buying train tickets. I tell her we can take rest at any time buring the trip.
If she feels better with travelling, then I’m satisfied
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It’s ok but I’m the opposite. I love her so much.
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It sounds like you are being helpful. I bet she is glad to have you.
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People with depression do not always present as sad, mopey, etc. Many put on a mask of cheerfulness to interact with those around them. I have to do it all the time to survive. Many with mental illness are not able to express their true feelings due to a variety of reasons. My insides are completely disconnected from my outsides, sometimes when I am in terrible pain and suffering badly I can still smile and laugh with friends. Another example of this is the lead singer of Linkin Park, one of his family members released a video taken right before he committed suicide where he seemed to be having fun with his family, then after he left killed himself. Appearances can be deceiving. The best thing you can do for someone with depression is to take them for their word that they are suffering. They are the only experts on their own feelings.
Also “mild” is often a term used in psychiatry to simply mean “high functioning” but can mean other things such as the person feels no joy in life but is not suicidal. It is not related to how long someone has a disorder. If it’s confusing to you maybe ask if her doctor could clarify as to what his definition of mild is.
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Your comment is really helpful and thank you.
Yeah I just remember I’ve read that people with depression have a strong feeling of obligation or whatever they feel about playing their roles no matter how they are really feeling. I know there’re people who looked perfectly normal right before suicide, just like the singer.
But I can understand if she does it at work but to family members? Can’t she express her true feelings to her own daughters? Was that the case with the singer? I have a big sis who I have no contact with anymore, but I guess my mom hasn’t told her yet because she’s married and have little kids. At least I haven’t heard that she’s told her. Well luckly I’m single and recovering, meaning that I have some room to help her. But If I had a family too, would she tell me? Or would she kill herself without telling us anything? Maybe. She actually told me she didn’t mean to tell me.
I’m angry, I have to be honest.
I don’t know if her doctor calls her case mild. Mom call it so.
When I’m in a place to put on a happy face it’s very all or nothing. Either I’m pretending to be happy to everyone or I’m falling apart and crying in front of everyone. I can’t pick and choose who to put on a front for. I’ve heard it’s similar to many people. Don’t take it personally that she’s putting on a happy face.
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Plus, she may be genuinely happy to hear from you. Maybe those phone calls are the highlight of her day. Just because she’s clinically depressed doesn’t mean that’s the only emotion she’s able to feel.
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It’s my hunch that she calls it mild because the doctor said so though that’s something you can ask her to clarify.
Sometimes family is the absolute hardest to share true feelings with and break down in front of. When you have played a certain role in your family for so long it feels difficult to break it. For example I’m the oldest kid so I was expected to be strong and a good example for my younger siblings. I have responsibilities expected of me. Many parents don’t want to open up to their children because they feel it’s inappropriate given that the child is supposed to rely on the parent, not the other way around. Another reason why I know I don’t really open up to my family is that like you they simply don’t understand. Thus telling them things often gets me nowhere, with either well intentioned but bad advice, or even things that are very hurtful that they are oblivious to. It is much better for me to have a therapist/doctor I can discuss my issues with who is a non-judgemental, detached party who also happens to be an expert in mental illness and its various forms.
However some communication with family is still important I think, like if you are going to harm yourself, or even just when you happen to be doing really poorly…I try to let my parents know when I am not doing well to let them know that I may not be capable of managing my normal responsibility load at that point and to help them understand why some of my behaviors may seem strange such as isolating myself or not getting dressed.
Just do your best to be non judgemental and supportive of your mom’s treatment. I’m sure she enjoys her phone calls with you. Sometimes when I am doing bad talking about normal things helps distract me from what’s going on in my head and makes me feel better.
I’m not taking personally but just I don’t understand people who smile when crying at heart.
I’m not that type.
Also I never able to act normal right before suicide. Everyone notice there’s something wrong with me. I never understand those type.
Yeah I’ll ask her when I see her next.
Well, I’m never judgemental. I’m understanding. Well more understanding than most people. I guess she enjoys my calls too. Maybe she genuinly feels cheerful. But is that a neurotransmitter thing or something? That some people can hide their feelings, even suicidal feelings? I’m neurochemically incapable of hiding suicidal feelings, has that something to do with schizophrenia? I was low-or-lower-than-normal-functioning when deeply in psychosis/suicidal.
Who knows. Some people can freely express emotion while others can’t. Personally I was always jealous of those who were able to easily show what they felt. They got help and attention right when their problems started. No one ever questions them or tells them what they are experiencing isn’t real just because they don’t see it. For me it feels like my body is a prison. (I was also punished growing up for showing negative emotion or uncontrolled emotions so that probably played a part in it for me) I’ve seen so many suicide headlines saying people had no idea anything was wrong, the person had everything going for them in life etc but what they didn’t know is that person was probably suffering for years.
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I’m jealous of those who can hide their feelings lol. It’s not my choice. I have secrets (from trivial to serious) but need effort not to show. So I don’t want to have many relationships because I’d need more effort. When I fell in love with a psychologist, I tried hard to hide it but failed.
I’m never able to show my feelings to those I get crushes on 
Even now there’s a guy who I get so mad at myself every day because I want to be able to show that I am interested or flirt and I just can’t. I feel I’ve missed out on so many relationships because I wasn’t able to express my feelings and it’s literally impossible for other people to tell if I like them. (In a romantic way)
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