I don't cherish every day

I don’t, I wish I could fast forward time, to skip winter, to skip difficulties. im like that. since im stuck here in those times, I will often escape with more sleep. more food. more television. it gets me into bad habits that I try to break when the weather is nicer or things start to look up.

another thing I’ve noticed is that time goes so slow now that I don’t drink much. I used to escape with a bottle of wine, at least 3 nights a week. and time flew by, but not that im mostly sober, things go so slow.

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I think it’s better for life to pass slowly… nothing sounds more disappointing than look back and wondering where all the time went.

It is difficult for me to maintain that thinking when there is a new dead line on the horizon. Living on my own should be a splendor of a time, but that is 4 and a half months out. There is just so much more fluidity in life when I’m on my own… and a more stable ego. I feel deeper levels of gratification with life and it’s finally not a competition. Not some volatile state of affairs that people can recklessly dismantle in pursuit of equalizing life-states.

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I used to wish I could fast forward to better times, and as time went on slowly I realized that there are going to be no “better times” where everything is fine. I don’t say that pessimistically, what I mean is that my whole life has been waiting to feel good. I’ve started to force myself to take steps to feel better now, and to learn how to be present and sometimes even enjoy my current state. I’ve learned that tomorrow’s desires wont come if you don’t take steps today to work towards them. Now it feels like time is going by too quickly.

Find something to work towards. Actually, find a few things to work towards. I have my studies, my pets, and fencing to keep me busy. Doing something you enjoy makes a world of difference, and having healthy and realistic goals changed my perspective.

You’ve talked a lot about potentially going back to school, is that an option for you still? Even if its just a certificate of some sort, completing it will give you a sense of pride and accomplishment. In less than 11 months I’ll have my associates degree and I’m super stoked about it.

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