OK the first time I was self medicating and having fun, but the second time it was self harming. Inever slit my wrists. But I was brainwashed to think that struggling makes you a better person. So I took LSD and shrooms because i knew it made my life more difficult. But I shouldn’t be held responsible for this. In fact, when I was 19 years old drinking every day I was self harming/self medicating anxiety/paranoia. Anyone else self harm through drugs, or you just do it to have fun. Because my substance abuse history stems from self hatred so I HURT myself to make people feel bad for me. Can you relate?
I think I can relate to believing that struggling makes you a better person. When in reality the more successful that people are in life the less they appear to struggle/have struggled. The truth is you can compare yourself to other people all you want but you never really know what they have dealt with to get where they got. Not everyone has psychosis, but some people get cancer, wind up in wheel chairs, lose loved ones. I don’t know this is the type of ■■■■ people tell me when I get down about my condition. I always thought I had it too easy so I should make myself struggle by taking drugs. It wasn’t until I lost my ■■■■ that I knew what it was like to struggle. Now I would give anything to take back all the drugs I did because they caused the psychosis. Most people get out of the drug game unscathed but me, I’m just another statistic in the war on drugs.
You can persevere though. It wasn’t long ago I had the most CRIPPLING anxiety from taking shrooms. But getting clean for a while really healed my brain. It sounds like we’re a lot alike. I’m 26, not sure how old you are but my life SUCKED at 25, was even worse at 24. I thought of bohemian rhapsody. “Life had just begun now I threw it all away”. Now I like life for the most part. You can do it! Just cut out the negative thinking and make good decisions. Gluck!!!
Thanks dude. I’m 39 and we may have a lot in common. I read what you wrote and thought I’d reach out for that reason. I have a long history of substance abuse. It started with pot and ended up with crack and heroin. I’ve been clean for a long time. Since 2006 basically. I had to get clean because drugs were making me psychotic and I got busted a couple times and almost went to prison. If I hadn’t become psychotic I think I would have died from a drug overdose or been like Ozzy Osbourne or Gary Busey. So maybe God had plans for me (or just wanted to teach me a lesson)
It’s been rough, it didn’t need to be this difficult, but I’m not giving up anytime soon. I’m a survivor and there’s a lot of ■■■■ I haven’t done yet in life.
Oh yea, shrooms. I took shrooms back in my early twenties and immediately had bad anxiety symptoms. I had a few bad trips on shrooms. I developed whatever this illness is shortly thereafter(when I was 24). I think shrooms are worse for you than acid. You’re lucky you have a lot of life ahead of you. They will have better meds soon and this ■■■■ won’t be as much of a disability one day.
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I took drugs recreationaly first then for spiritual reasons I was ignorant about drugs didn’t even understand its recreational or spiritual use until years later after having gone through what the doctors call schizophrenia I played with fire got burnt and am still dealing with the pain.
Even though substance abuse disorder is a mental illness, we are still responsible for our actions as suffererers of the illness. We can’t take all the blame, but we should assume responsability.
I agree it’s a form of self harm, and that self destructive behavior is uncontrolable for most part. But therapy is a great tool to get out of this cycle.
Basically the world needs better medication (drugs)