I don’t do drugs. I don’t care if anyone else uses them as a long as they’re not doing them around me, or I would love to use all the knowledge I learned in years of going AA to help someone who wants to quit and needs support.
OK, I got that out of the way. But as I’m sitting in the dining room right now I’m thinking back on my four years crack addiction. My life was sh*t back then. I’m talk about a long, long time ago.
I would never want to go back to doing drugs but what strikes me about back then is that in a weird way, i could accept all the bullsh*t of the drug addict lifestyle. I did stuff back then that if I did it just one time now, would send me in a tailspin.
I spent one measly day in jail back then. I was in with criminals and murderers and stuff and it didn’t faze me. If I had to go to jail for one day, now it would be a catastrophe that would change the course of my life and be traumatic
Going out in public is difficult now or meeting new people or making friends. Back then I partied with strangers all the time. I got clubbed before, cheated out of money, carjacked. It happened and I didn’t like it but it didn’t faze me or change my life. So much bad stuff happened to me. I was just blase about it. I would tell myself, “Oh well” and the next day I was back in the same places and the incidents were forgotten.
Being spontaneous back then was easy too. I could be awakened by friends at two in the morning.when I was on my own and get up and go to a club or drive 10 miles to the worst cities for drugs. If I did that once now it would be a huge deal.
It’s just weird to me how my life has changed. I can’t take a lot of things in stride anymore. I guess when I was doing drugs that I just accepted that bad things happened to me.
I could handle bad stuff back then. Now, I can’t.