I am lost, I don't know where I am going with this topic

I am a 21yrls old living with psychotic disorder, currently temporary diagnosed, I am on meds for over 3 years with breaks and 3 psychotic breakdowns activated by stress or dropping meds cold turkey.

My personality is like the weather so I can’t really tell if I have negative symptoms or the switch went off (on and off it goes throw the week)

I was never depress or sad since I was dz, can you believe? I was never sad, i cannot feel sadness, sorry for those who feel it or felt it.

When I çan motivate myself i find something useful to do and do it intense and like I was doing it my hole life and after a few days I lost motivation, joy and interest and move to other things. Anyone can’t stick to doing something out here?

I can’t decide wich way to go, one day I wanna be a farmer the next a Fisher. It’s killing me becàuse I know I can do almost anything i put my mind to but I lack insight to see if I really see myself doing that thing all my life… does it make sense?

I can’t be happy, actually I can’t feel a thing and because of that I am often faking my feelings (badly may I say)

i am lost

It might not make sense but I feel better after I post it

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Pretty long post, I bet you guys are not fans of long posts

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I cant help u out mate. I am as lost as u are and i feel like sh!t. Damned disease!!

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I don’t have anybody to talk to, I wish I was at the hospital right now with people who also struggle

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Just take care of yourself as much as possible. If you start doing destructive things like abusing meds you will suffer a lot more.

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