Humility was the topic at the AA meeting yesterday.
SO i’m sooooooooo humble because I’ve done this and that and this and that and I’m just such a humble person, everything about me is so humble.
I understood why Gautama Siddhartha didn’t actually ever speak…even though there are quotes by him. I understood why Buddhist monks say nothing. Because they are so wise, have so much humility that a vow of silence seems the only viable option to capture their wisdom.
I kept trying to think of things to say but realized no matter what I say would be a way of stroking my own ego. So I just kept quiet. Meanwhile the whole room is very spiritually confused so they need to blab for 10 minutes a piece to help them stay sober. More power to them! But I don’t mind if alcohol kills me. I don’t find life all that great that it’s worth going to an AA meeting and being around people every night, etc… They all talk about how hard their lives are. I’ve heard about 50 people at AA say “When you go to AA you realize that you don’t have the toughest life after all”, but I can’t imagine this trickiness of the mind I’ve calculated, along with schizoaffective making life much worse. The only thing I like is to drink. Everything else sucks. You feel what I’m saying…do you?
AA isn’t worth it to me. I’d rather die young and enjoy it than be schizo-affective til i’m 150 years old. Sorry for making lots of topics tonight.