When in psychosis I self destruct. I throw out everything I own, no matter how much I like it or what the worth is. Lost everything on more than one occasion. Probably cost me any chance of retirement over the years. You just keep going but no planning ahead.
Stress usually speeds it up and I get to the level the brain just can’t handle it anymore. PTSD is probably there but doubt any Doctor would look for it, they would just brush it off to psychosis.
Now I am stable and in the junk business, I tend to collect stuff, get a kick out of fixing, playing, looking at it. Outside of tools my guess I will move it along at some point, or get ill and throw it all out again.
So do you hang on to stuff? and what sort of stuff do you like gathering?
I got a little hoarder-thing going on with used books and electronic gadgets like laptops. Also, I have at least 8-10 teas in my cupboard (usually it’s like ten), and I don’t really need all ten tea varieties.
Once, about 8 years ago, I spent my entire paycheck at a used bookstore because I thought somebody had to collect all the Nazi, World War II books to keep them out of the hands of neo-nazis (I’m a person of color, so this was a weird thing to the book shop cashiers, like why is she buying so many books on nazis??) My mom got scared about what was going on in my head and she was right to be scared—I was committed to a psych ward soon after amassing a large collection of nazi books (i.e. Dr. Goebbels diaries, a nazi doctor who was totally evil, and some book on nazis and the occult). No, I’m not an anti-semite or a neo-nazi. I just had this weird obsession with hoarding nazi stuff so that nobody else could buy it. I thought the books/trinkets were safe with me.
I met another sz in a psych ward who threw out everything of value—xbox, playstation, games, vinyls of old rock bands! He said his voices told him to stop playing violent games and listening to rock music.
I once threw out everything electrical in the house, including lights on the ceiling, thought they all had cameras or listening devices in them. Lived in the dark for a long time.
During my relapse I threw away so much of stuff I owned… clothes, bags… I threw everything in the garbage without hesitation. Even presents from family.
