Freud was right when he stated that “mother” and “father” are cultural roles or figures: therefore for instance, you don’t need to be a biological parent to love your kid and therefore, also, we know that heterosexual parents are not the norm…
I had a lot of struggles with this, considering my private situation. So I talked with a woman who is not a psychologist about my concerns and she made a good point when asked me: so what benefits did you have from your father?
So I started to think. My early childhood is locked within a trauma of his and mom’s fights, my primary school days hold a memory of his conservative, punishing and narrowed approach to any of my soon-to-be teenage demands…
Same for the high school. He would also make remarks on my appearance and that would hurt.
I was afraid of him until I got into college.
But those times, again, are marked by my parents divorce and my constant burden of which side to choose, and who is right, who is wrong.
So what benefits, except few material ones, I really had?
I entirely blame my father for my SZ…cuz i was never motivated as a child …!!!
when i was 19 yrs old i used to have bad panic attack …i was suffering from major depressive disorder and after couple of year i again used to had anxiety attack neither i understood my
circumstance neither my parent…after couple of year i suffered intense Insomnia then finally
psychosis struck hard on my head …i was bed ridden with SZ now…i barely move…!!!
My life is just damaged and useless …!!!
nobody can help me now…!!!
Vented…
Cry 0…
thanks …take care…!!
A a conclusion Father figure are ias mportant as anything under this sun…!!!
A father figure can be useful, as long as he’s a good person. But if a kid doesn’t have a father figure at home, they will find one in their community. For my sister, it was her soccer coach. For me, it was my philosophy professor. For my brother, it was his Navy recruiter. They all did the job just fine. Luka will probably find someone in his life to fill the role if he decides he needs it. Kids are adaptive that way.
My older brother was my father figure. It’s extremely important for little boys to have a good father figure. Little boys have a massive identification with masculinity when they are about five or six that they usually get from a role model. A bad father figure can be devestating for a child’s development in a lot of different ways. I’ve heard more than a few guys say, “I always swore I’d never be like my dad, and I turned out just like him.”
I’m really sorry to so hear this, I hope the haunt will pass you soon, and you get the help you need. Remember to always love yourself, no matter what, you are most important person, there are nobody else.
I understand what you going trough, It’s ok to let go.
I’ve not seen my father for 20 years. I didn’t go to see him when he got sick, I didn’t go to his funerals when he died. I let my mother go as well long time ago. My memories about my parents is nothing but disgust.
My mom was dysfunctional drama queen, she would shame me and insult me in public, especially in close retaliative gatherings and dinners at every possible opportunity, and I mean real insults regarding my illnesses of that time. My dad was raging alcoholic who would use violence to beat me up because he was delusional schizophrenic.
Recently maybe 4 year back, I was victim of domestic abuse by my sister husband (although I could snap his neck in second but I froze because of little daughters loosing father), my mother stood there 1 meter away from me saying not a word, showing no emotions, I looked at her eyes and remembered that hate burning inside of her.
As my illness goes, I’ve been at very very dark places, I also was homeless, broke. But never asked nor I told anyone about anything. I was made a joke about my mental state by family members (Yes you are that guy like your uncle - who now is under lock in ward many years) But that doesn’t destabilize me, it just opened eyes what people really are like.
Honestly there is nothing but me, and I’m happy. I’m happy that I turned out to be complete opposites from my father and mother, none of their crooked character traits are haunting me.
I’ve struggled with the role of my parents in my breakdown. I didn’t have the perfect parents, but I kinda feel that my schizophrenia is just something that occurred. In fact, I’m glad that I’m schizophrenic; it opened up a whole new world to me. I became religious.
I think certain traits are important for children to have in their caregivers, and that just traditionally, mothers have had some of those traits, while fathers have had the others. But of course this isn’t how it has to be. Any caregiver could theoretically have all of the important traits, or at the very least their biological sex doesn’t have to determine which of the important traits they have.
Like neither of my parents were protective, for example, and looking back I don’t think it was damaging that one or the other wasn’t protective, but rather that nobody was protective was the problem. I don’t think it would have mattered, the biological sex of whoever would have been protective, it was just that someone needed to be, and without that trait in a caregiver, I developed some problems as a result.
The problem with my parents, and I was aware of it before I turned 13, was that they were both overprotective. I heard it is more common within the families with only one child but obviously its not the rule.
For my sister, it seemed that it hasn’t bothered her too much, but for me it had disastrous effects - and totally counterproductive.
Sounds a lot like “infantilization” if you ever feel like looking into it. Very common in dysfunctional families, with the inverse being parentification.
Thanks @Sarad You are strong enough to not have father or any other figure on your horizons, but follow your very own internal references instead. Keep it up
The only people that recognize how important a good father figure is. Are the one’s that have had one or the one’s that are one and see what an impact they have on there kids lives. I suppose also to some extent some yurn for one they never had. But usually we don’t miss what we don’t know about. Father’s are way undervalued in the U.S.
Being father alone is not enough, what good they can teach their children if they have nothing inside of their own. Fathers can only help kids rise to level of maturity that they have reached.
Sure we can’t run from lion after just being born 30 minutes ago, but to accept bad behavior from father figure, and dwell on it for the rest of life makes no sense to me. Vented… done. Ty ty
My father was blind, and that hampered his interaction with his children. Problems playing with them and understanding the changing times - I lived during the 60s. When I had my breakdown he didn’t understand the illness because he couldn’t read, and was subject to gossip and misinformation
My Father, for one reason or another, doesn’t want anything to do with me. It breaks my heart but at the end of the day I have to just do the best that I can.
I can only speak for men, and I think a lot of the time when men don’t have an immediate father figure they often seek one out. And the one they seek out can often either be very negative or very positive.