Schizophrenia.com

How does it feel?


#1

How does it feel to get a psychotic episode? Feeling in the head or body?

I now have a feeling like my brain has left my head and is hovering above me.


#2

To get a psychotic episode I felt like I was losing my mind. I was very light headed and didn’t know what was going on. I was out of reality and felt like I was in another world. The voices were very loud and also very spooky because I didn’t know these were just voices in my head. It felt very real and I thought the whole town was after me. My deepest darkest fears would come out and haunt me because of the voices. I was up 24/7 and couldn’t go sleep because these voices I believed was reading my mind. Getting an episode is not fun and I ended up in the hospital strapped down and after in a mental institution for a few days (house of healing). Even in there I thought the devil was out to kill me which such things as cutting my head off, skinned alive, stabbed to death, etc. I hope no one has to experience this.


#3

Thank you. Had an episode 4 years ago but I don’t remember how it was. Was in hospital for 6 months.


#4

i’ve had a few episodes and now in a rational state of mind, i can’t quite understand how i fell for it for so long. the fear was immense the last couple of times. the first time was so fantastic, it was laughable really. so ridiculous but even though i questioned it in my mind, i actually believed i was telepathic with all these people half way round the world. it’s happened 3 times now, that i believed in telepathy but i don’t think it could happen again. i’ve learnt about cold reading, hot reading, syncronicity, and mere coincidence. problem is, when ur in that state you see patterns where none exist in reality. your whole perception of reality goes awry. most of my ideas came from movies, twisted into horrific things in my head. i distinctly recall sitting up all night in a london hospital waiting for the general public to come and burn me alive,although i still went out for a cigarette which was odd. here i was, feeling with absolute certainty that i was going to b killed in a horrendous manner by the people outside the door yet i went out for a smoke lol. the next day i was taken by taxi to southampton to a psychiatric hospital where my parents brought me cigarettes and food and stuff to occupy me to try and bring me back to reality. i was there 3 weeks, absolutely terrified of all the other patients and staff. i refused to take off my trainers, slept in my clothes, didn’t talk to anyone, just rocked, wrote and cried the whole time. slowly and gently, other patients started talking to me because i was crying a whole lot and slowly i started to trust what i heard with my ears instead of what i was hearing in my head. one day oneof the other patients said to me “how likely is any of this to be true?” the stuff i was hearing in my head. and that was that. the psychosis bubble just burst like a big spot. although i was still hearing it, i just didn’t believe in it anymore. i still hear some of their voices now. some of the patients i made friends with and some of the staff. i hear my psychiatrist’s voice, my parents and extended family, people from my housing estate, my kids, my late husband, famous people, dead people but i just don’t believe that they r real anymore. sure, their real voices, but they originate within me, not outside of me. now i can’t b a hundred percent sure but i don’t think i’ll ever fall for the telepathy bollox again during my lifetime. experience has taught me otherwise. i don’t know what the next psychosis will b but it sure as hell won’t b telepathy. :slight_smile:


#5

For me it was at first the feeling that I had lost touch with who I was. I became very gullible and naïve. I felt as if I was becoming someone else entirely. I’d hear a new song on the radio and would begin to think things such as it was being played as a personal message to me. I began eventually to feel as though some other people could hear my thoughts. I began to seemingly receive other people thoughts too. Virtual telepathy I now call it. I also began to have flashbacks of very vivid and very seemingly real memories of things that never in actuality happened. There were hundreds of these memories all linked together and telling a story of which was to become the basis of most of my delusional beliefs. At the very worst of it I felt as though my head was stuck in a vice clamp and the sounds around me were amplified to a maddening degree. Things were making sense to me that didn’t in actuality make any sense at all. A friend would text me reminding me to eat something and this in my mind meant she was considering marrying me. Stuff like that made perfect sense in my mind at the time.

I’ve seen others in various states of psychosis as well and can only surmise that while there are similarities there are just as many individual differences in how psychosis manifests in each person. So what was true for me isn’t necessarily true for you.


#6

Thank you both. I remember being afraid of Hell’s Angels. I thought they would kill me. Also the pdoc could read my mind. But before that… When it all started… I remember I thought ppl were afraid of me. My head never stopped spinning. Thoughts racing. Voices becoming louder.


#7

I can relate to a lot of what has been said here. Thinking they’re reading my mind and want to kill me. When I was in the hospital I was so disconnected with reality I thought ww3 was breaking out. I remember thinking it was all real. Voices demanding my suicide coming from people or spirits or something. Since I got out of the hospital on those days where I’ve forgotten to take my meds my head get noisy and I sort of feel like I’m disconnected from my body somewhat. I realise that there is nothing I can do to stop the noise and it drives me crazy. Makes me feel very insecure and afraid. Anycase most of that is behind me, I know I need my meds. Prolixin seems to be reducing my symptoms I’ll have to have them raise the dose.


#8

I was euphoric at times and other times very sad. I could laugh and cry within 10 minutes. Then as I became more and more delusional I stopped doubting that what I believed wasn’t real, and got lost in a belief system where I was extremely afraid and extremely euphoric though too.


#9

When I become psychotic I’m in a state where the symptoms overwhelm me and I have no control over them. A relentless presence in my head where I can hardly think of anything else and medication doesn’t make it go away. Everything revolves around my symptoms and trying to control them. I can’t ignore them at all and theirs no relief. It’s all in my head. I can still act normal and nothing shows but boy am I uncomfortable; can’t relax.And it feels ten times worse than I’m describing.


#10

When my wheels are falling off, first thing that happens are… lights get to bright, sounds get too loud, touch is too heavy or painful. My voices amp up and get loud and I can’t ignore them.

Sometimes I’m giddy and super excited and driven to finding something… I’m unable to sleep or eat or anything until I’ve completed some specific task and I can’t stop pacing or rocking or anything. My sis says I’m very animated and excitable. Everything is a clue to my task at hand.

Sometimes I’m over come by fear and dread and I just know that the kidnappers are coming. I just have the urge to run and hide. I’m so sure something out there is after me. It’s that deep sinking feeling. I need to get away. This is when my voices get very loud and start beating me up. I fear that I’m going to be pulled out of my own skin. That something is going to reach in and pull me away.

The first one is worse for me because I’m not afraid, I’m amped up … I’m driven… I’m on a quest. Plus I won’t eat sleep or anything. This is the one where I get the most delusional.

The second type is easier to talk me down from because I know there are no kidnappers. Some herbal tea, some decompression time and some reassurance usually help me through this one.


#11

Thank you. I will call my pdoc tomorrow. I hardly eat or sleep.


#12

I felt like my body and mind are so tired. Sometimes I have suicide thoughts.


#13

When I was excitable, I felt like I wanted to unzip my chest and let my heart fly out of my body. I felt like liquid molten metal. When I thought people could read my mind, it was a scary spiritual airiness around me like I was just made of air and transparent, see-through, ghostlike. When I was in hospital once, and at my worst, I thought the world was coming to an end and had scary dreams of aliens and bombs. When I hear voices, I feel hemmed in like I am being closed in and trapped by pointing fingers. Sometimes when I get intrusive thoughts I feel like I am being taken over by a monster invading my system.