In this winter I have felt quite good, although there are things I miss. I take my meds regularly and feel quite good. I do not have an auto and sometimes I would like to drive a car. I am quite used to my loneliness.
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Everyday I feel something different - Every minute its different - up and down and mixed and euphoric and hopeless.
It is an adventure actually
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With my hands mostlyā¦
the nerve endings in my skin send a message to my brain that interprets what I feel when i touch itā¦ 
Actually, good most of the time. Depression or anger passes quickly if it comes along.
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I usually feel bored,I try to do things at work sometimes and I like some tv shows which could make me laugh because itās funny.Usually I visit this site and read news on Googleā¦next two to three days I am going to play Futsal,I am looking forward to enjoy my time while playingā¦I want to make myself happier and more motivated
Things have been very different for me lately.
I used to feel numb and disconnected to all around me. Not motivated to even stand up. Then I got a jolt out of my head and Iāve been in a more optimistic mind. (med controlled for sure)
But latelyā¦ there have been a lot of mood swings. Odd for me.
No ability to get a sentence outā¦ to overly chatty.
Iāve been going from flat and disconnected and not caringā¦ into euphoric and connected and caring about all around me.
Maybe thatās why my doc wants to change my label.
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Hi,hope your still doing okay and you are still in control with your lifeā¦do you still go to water for swimming or surfing which I remember you like it very much?
I try to swim at least every other day. Itās the only way to escape the constant noise.
Itās waterā¦ and the line down the middle of the lane and thatās all. My brain stops churning and I can burn off some of my energy.
If I miss a swimā¦ I canāt sleep well.
Oh,thatās very good,I imagine swimming at a little populated island,it would be very relaxing,calm and comfortable
I feel like I have a purpose and that my life is just a mean to my end.
That is the same for me
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I feel good mood wise, no more thoughts of suicide, finally. But i feel anxious, like i want to do something and i do not know what. I also feel lazy, i want to take a shower, but getting in the shower is a whole different story. I want to sleep, but cannot. When i do, it is for 17 hours at a time. I feel like a cat, no pun intended.
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Right now Iām just reflecting on everything. It makes me feel insecure about the stability of my mind. Iām pretty stable. Itās just feelings, but you loose your mind once and I donāt think you can ever really trust it again. Maybe with time.
Iām very aware of the power that my consciousness holds and it makes me almost afraid to do anything. Thinking about my hallucinations seems like it will eventually only make them more real. Perhaps an entirely different tier of hallucination.
I just gotta focus on real life stuff, but itās all so simple and boring. My immediate life that is. The world is still an interesting place.
I think itās time I seek out a good therapist. I managed to put myself back together about 80 or 90 percent but Iām really running out of steam. Canāt give up fighting though. The only thing left is my primary hallucination framework. Expectation leading to hallucination strengthening the expectation.
Living in a psychological mess. Still feels like people are hearing my thoughts. It really sucks what that can do to you. Iām over the worst of it though.
Really I should just relax and enjoy this precious time that I have this stress free life.
Concerns of health insurance. Seeing doctors. Staying on disability or not. Finding a suitable line of work. Disappointment with my social sphere. The experience of my illness.
Really the only thing I have mental access to that is positive is hope for a better future.
So I guess what dominates me is a feeling of uncertainty. ā ā ā ā ā ā ā schizophrenia.
If I recover fully theyāll probably tell me I never had sz. I know full well that I was definitely sz. But the general view is that itās a lifelong illness. If you can recover then you donāt have it.
Really there is no schizophrenia. Only a vast and varied list of symptoms.
Thatās enough out of me.
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Some days I feel good. Some days I feel like crap. Sometimes I feel good for part of the day and like ā ā ā ā for the rest of the day. Sometimes I can go shopping and get things done. Other times Iāve got no drive to do anything. It is hell to stand up in the mornings but the reward of feeling better after a shower normally makes it worth the while.