I’m really happy that I was able to put my psychiatrist’s kid through medical school and allow him to finally put that pool in.
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I’ve come to terms that I’ll never have a normal life. It was more difficult in my early years of diagnosis. As @TomCat mentioned, things were going well for me and then BAM! I started losing touch with reality. Sometimes I get a little sad and think to myself, “This isn’t the life I wanted.” I also feel like a waste of potential at times. What I’ve realized is that I cannot live in the past. Nothing can change that. So now I try to look forward to the small things in life.
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I get angry, super angry sometimes. It’s the illness. But then I think of the benefits that have come as a result of being dz. I’m way more empathetic, especially to the mentally ill community. I have compassion for the destitute and homeless. Yes, sz is the absolute worst, but the reaction to the disease is the silver lining. Hopefully, one day I can do more than just sympathize like change the minds of others of what people with sz are capable of… that’d be cool.
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Sz is hard to deal with sometimes. I consider it part of me now. And i cant complain how much i am better off i am financially on disabilty benefits now ive been given the label. Back when i was just Borderline PD - i was never taken seriously - now im diagnosed Sz im able to get the help i ask for.
Like it is the worst thing that has ever happened to me. It is not just the mental agony I go through but the things I will miss out on in life like having a wife or kids. I do stay positive but it is just hard some times. I can remember one time at a party someone asked me what it was like and I told him I have nothing positive to say on that. It is a hard thing and something I have learned to live with and there will probably be hard times ahead as well.
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I feel like I have to live a lesser life than I had. I used to be able to think very well and could imagine and plan things. Now my ability to conceptualize and remember things is terrible.
I hate that I have been robbed of my ability to feel joy normally. Having to be on antipsychotics is a huge change to what normal used to feel like, but at least I am not crazy.
I hate the sexual side effects too. Poverty of speech and poverty of thought are bad enough alone, why do I have to have sexual side effects from the meds as well?
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I feel like @TomCat I was an architect when sz hit me at 35…could’ve been a contender !!!
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I feel like there’s all kinds of problems people have in life and this is just what i have to deal with. There are lots of things i think are worse than sza. I just have to roll with it and take my meds and learn to make the best of things.
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Even though I suffered terribly from sza all of my life, I always thought that it made me special in an odd sort of way because not everyone had it or even had an inkling of what I was going through. Although I tried my mightiest to explain it to the normies I met, they could never understand it. This was always very frustrating to me. The only people who seemed to understand were medical professionals.
There are very few things in life that were worse than my brand of sza.
I simply meant that there are things i think are worse than being sza. I’m thankful i’m not blind or a paraplegic, for example. I am sorry you’ve had such a tough road. It’s definitely not easy living with sza.
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Like a lot of people I still dont really believe it. Part of me thinks everything I heard or thought was real and Im just denying the problem. The rational part of me knows it cant be true but its hard to shake the feeling
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obviously id love not to have sz…its a real apin in the a*ss…if I had 50k, I would easily part with it to get rid of sz…if only
There are things I can’t or won’t do and my life is drastically different to many of my peers but I just get on with it. Many things are difficult for me to do but they probably are for many non-sz people too. If I didn’t come here I wouldn’t identify myself as sz. If the meds crapped out on me though then I will be paying my sz subscription.
I struggled to accept my diagnosis until they diagnosed me properly with sza then it made sense. I accept my sza it’s a blessing in disguise sometimes. My faith in God came as a result. And I can understand what other people with mental symptoms go thru.
I think there are far worse things in life than having sza. But I wouldn’t wish it on anyone all the same.
@77nick77
That is SO funny!
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It’s hard for me to imagine a non-schizophrenic life. Seems to me it’d be pretty boring. And yet I strive for mental healthiness with cognitive-behavior therapy, which possibly gets a person closer to “normalcy.”
What I resent about the illness is how my family has treated me because of it. Or – maybe that would’ve happened anyway.
I find I focus on the past alot and end up
Pitying myself and the things I’ve lost,
I hate feeling that my brain is falling apart,
When I was proud of being smart before.
I hate that my handwriting is messy and
My drawings have become more abstract,
And I can’t keep a rhythm when playing guitar.
I hate the things I say and do
When I’m not in control
And I hate how sorry I feel for myself
I feel like I’ve lost something nameless but important , it’s like heartbreak or
Loving someone who doesn’t love you back.
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Sz has knocked me off the way I perceive things, now am just slower and living in the shadows of my self,I wish I never had this
how do i feel about having a horrible illness that has restricted my life in so many ways for a long time and almost killed me?
use your imagination!!!
words cannot fully express how much i despise this illness, i dont blame anyone though, i just accept it and luckily now i am doing really good so thats a consolation i guess lol.