There’s something you need to know; the right life for someone with schizophrenia is unique to each person who has schizophrenia. Elyn Saks said this in the conclusion of her memoir.
What is right for me may be horribly wrong for you, and vice versa.
Don’t compare yourself to others, compare yourself to your personal best. Only compete with yourself whenever that is the option.
Schizophrenia is not one size fits all. I have noticed that as well as been told by books and professors. My psychological profile is mine, and yours is yours. They are both equally weighted. You may find that coping with the illness is your number one challenge and process in life, this is the case for many people with our illness. Others may have better luck with medications and therapy as well as have a different handful of symptoms.
For example, I have strong positive symptoms, which are the things that shouldn’t be there, like hallucinations and delusions. It sounds like you have strong negative symptoms, which are absences of things which should be there such as emotions, thinking clearly, feeling an interest in activities (whatever you find interesting- could be anything!), feeling alive and having energy and speaking.
I have little trouble with negative symptoms, in fact mine are practically gone from years of therapy, medication, and studying psychology.
I have lots of trouble with positive symptoms. For example, I hallucinate and begin having intrusive paranoid thoughts every night and I cope with it by talking to myself, which is actually not uncommon–Fred Frese talks to himself a lot, and he’s a professor of psychiatry and he has paranoid schizophrenia. Elyn Saks preaches the benefits of psychoanalysis, where you lay down and just say whatever is on your mind, under professional supervision and direction.
They call saying whatever you are thinking “free association” and I do it by myself every night and I reach catharsis, which is basically a conclusion to what is going on in your head, then I fall asleep.
You may want to ask your doc about latuda and abilify, which are both known to be more helpful with negative symptoms. I take Geodon and it actually is more of a downer, and without meds I am 90mph on the wrong track.
Some people can’t work because of the illness. That’s something you should be aware of. Again, don’t compete with anyone but yourself. That means don’t look at how others work and then think you should do it too. You may just not be able to, and that is okay, that is the case for many people with schizophrenia. You should know that you aren’t alone.