I guess in some ways I’m doing much better, my psychosis is pretty mild at the moment, and although I’ve been a bit up and down it’s been nowhere near actual depression or mania.
But my thoughts are racing, all the time, I have lengthy and detailed conversations with imaginary people, like I imagine I’m speaking to the Prime Minister or a reporter in my mind, I obsess for hours over the state of the world, I get stuck on a particular thought that repeats and repeats, I constantly think every time I speak to someone that I’ve said something terrible, I can’t even send a text to a friend without worrying I’ve said something offensive.
My mind just never stops. My thoughts are racing, thundering into my head like the carriages of a speeding train. I’m shouting out constantly, I can’t help it, I’m shouting shut up, f*** off, or I’m repeating bits of my thoughts out loud, or just shouting random words and phrases.
It’s really uncomfortable, I don’t know what this is… I can’t figure out why I’m like this because I don’t feel manic, it’s just my head racing.
I totally relate. I don’t know why the constant conversations. I have to keep myself busy, busy, busy. And that still doesn’t stop it from wanting to go on. And it just repeats in loops. And starts over again. Conversations with my docs or whoever. It’s maddening. My thoughts go in loops not in a straight line. I can never come to a logical conclusion or decision it seems. Then when I actually speak to someone I get confused about what I have said in real life and what I’ve said in my head.
I get that too. I want to ask someone something, but I can’t remember if I actually did and just forgot the answer, or if I just thought about it.
It’s frustrating as hell.
Yeah maybe I do need some sort of med ajustment. I’ve just decided I’m going to copy what I wrote in this post into my diary and show it to her. I have an appt with my psych in a week, I think I communicate much better in writing that spoken.
I am the same way. I am much better at communicating through writing than speaking. I get the racing thoughts, too. I hope you’re able to talk to your pdoc about this and get it straightened out. Good luck.
I’m so bad I call my racing thoughts a hobby. I love to be alone and let it run wild. The only thing I don’t like is getting so involved in the thoughts I react to them in real life. I can’t turn it off. My friend says I can with meditation. Yeah idk about that.
But I’m lacking in speech. I forget what I said let alone what other people are saying. I get tongue tied a lot and trip over my words. I’m slow to form sentences. I prefer to text or write.
Yeah I know what you mean about reacting in real life, I tend to talk out loud and make gestures as if there’s someone there if I’m not careful about getting to involved in these thoughts. That’s cool that you’ve found a way to run with it though, and allow it to happen. I spend all my time fighting it, and it feels futile.