i started having simptons of schizofrenia when i was 18 i am 21 now. i have only been to two doctors that have medicated me so far. a psyciatrist and a neurologist. i stopped going to both because of the way the medications they gave me made me feel and the lack of money to pay.
my psyciatrist told me it could be from the drugs i took while in highschool. i comsumed marihuana and lsd
there was also this one time i went to the er for lsd and they gave me this detox medicine which prohibited me from sleeping the night but i slept anyways and im afraid that it could be the cause of my schizofrenia.
she wasnt very straight forward with me she just told me that my personal/mental problem could be from the drugs i consumed while younger.
my suffering and “belief” in my schizofrenia is that i fell like everyone is talking about me and thinking things about me and i can hear their thoughts and read their feelings. and can even put a color to their feelings and thoughts. and its usually people critizicing me telling me that im no tlike this person im not like that person. to grow up that i wont be a good nurse when i graduate university that my anime and music is immature and pretty much that im a loser for doing drugs and a sloozy for not being a virgin. and when i feel happy or like everything is going right for me like people make fun of me for it. “she thinks shes so cute making that face… etc” and i usually only hear voices from the people that i know well. or atleast on those i concentrate on. wheni dont know the person i try not to think about. dont care as much. idk… sometimes its inevitable. i havent been medicated in a few months now and before my schizofrenia was just frustating and a nuisence but lately it just gives me an overall bad mood. im doing homework and then i suffer a serious episode of “fighting” with my voices. they way i fight them is usually just showing them that im stronger and a better person than them by not letting know im hurt and trying not to get mad at them back or make treat them how they treat me. i dont do it openly to the person who i think does it. that’d be really dumb. and i dont even know if they really did think that of me or not to boot. but sometimes i just feel like giving up and stop fighting it… its really frustrating. i used to cry almost every 3rd day because of it. even when i started dating my bf. he has helped me out alot as well. he actually recommended i do this. hes been going on forums for people who date schizofrenics. my mom says once she has money shez gonna take me to get my brain scanned see if for certain its schizofrenia or not. id like to know if other people feel the same way i do. and whats been working for them. what medications in specific. because they gave me clopixol (monthly inyeccion) and i think fluoxtin (or something like that) its and antipsycotic. the clopixol i didnt even feel it but the fluoxtin gave me vertigo and i felt like i had charlie horses in my brain and i felt uneasy all over. the neurologist thought i was just anxios and despressed and gave me an antidepresant but all he did was literally drug me up. no medicinal value whatsoever. after the day of course i stopped taking it. the anti psycotic i stopped taking it after a few days. i never went back though. thats the problem. to tell them that their dumb medicine didnt work. but idk. id like to know if someone suffers the way i do and what medicin they take thats working for them and when the time comes ask about it to my doctor at the time.
