i know this seems like a long story but please take your time to read and hear me out
About 9 months ago i was smoking cannabis and decided to take MDMA as i had nothing to do on new years, i sure most of oyu have heard of the “door” which people sometimes refer to as vivid imagination when you visually see pictures in your head.
anyway i had “unlocked” my door and was unware what one was and begin to see things i did not want there, weird things.
at the time i wasnt socialising very well and spent most of my time in my room smoking cannabis and watching netflix, what iwas noticing on netflix was “tedtalks” and they had been using the slip of the tounge to catch out stoners who were at the live shows and explaining things like the door indirectly.
i caught on what they were doing and wasnt sure what to make of it
so instead i started analysing bakcround images in films ect, for example the potrait would be a tall figure on the left hand side and a small figure on the right hand side.
anyway this is how things were to begin with…
i attened college for a normal day when i was in class, something seemed off about it and the teachers almost seemed to be interrogating me abotu something, a few class members (of the older people) knew what the interrigation was about and used the slip of the tounge to say things like where i worked and someone who i worked with, i knew tehy were trying to find out something because everytime i had a bad image in my head the person in the class would say something like “get rid of that”
turns out they were interrogating someone about being a paedophile
as the signs were clear, the teacher had wrote paedo on the board but not so it was clear it was written using joint writting but was disguised to look like another word.
afterwards the teacher pointed at me and told others dont worry its not you, thats how i knew it was me that they were trying to interrogate.
i was only 17 so at the time i was very frightened of what to do as i was not a paedophile these lessons contiuned for about another 3 weeks (once a week).
about a week before my 18 birthday i was what some people describe to be “in your head” a term used when someone talks outloud in their head loudly so others can hear what your saying
my “microphone” is like a megaphone because its a small town where i live and noone else is in their head i am alone, i was isolated and singled out because of this, i put the theory to the test to see fi people coul dreally hear my thoughts as my mother and others had told me people cannot hear your thoughts, so i use certain words and people at the pub across the road would say the same word, i still do it to this day to clarify that they are hearing my thoughts.
the thoughts i said outloud became worse, i would use swear words and abuse people even though i did not mean it, i must clarify that these are not thoughts that are not my own, it is my inner voice.
from my view the town seemed to be with eachother to find out if i was a paedophile or not, i thought they were together because when i went to the shops everyone there used the slip of the tounge to say the same things i was thinking.
about 3 weeks passed and i was trying to prove i wasnt a paedophile
, because i was saying mean things outloud the towns people decided to start repeating if youve got something to say say it outloud so i walekd around the shops one day saying the mean things i thought using my mouth and sometiems it was racist so i kept it to myself and didnt say it but words like c**t i would say outloud, once i got home my neighbours were saying why were you swearing when children are around, and because i wasnt thinking about the children somehow i had proved myself to the town that i infact wasnt a paedophile.
things got better after that and things improved but i still spoke outloud which seemed to irritate people because they had to listen to it so they would say, time to stop talking now.
i learned to stop talking but only for a breif amount of time for example 5-20 seconds then its so uncomfortable i would return back to usual.
i lost hope and motivation and gave up continuously
about 4 months passed and nothing got better and my mum was worried about me so she suggested i see a doctor which then reffered me to a physciatrist, i saw another phsyciatrist after that and was told i had developed phycosis and later on recieved a letter stating i had been diagnosed with paranoid schizphrenia, this wasnt a shock ot begin with as a didnt believe it and thought nah that cant be right i dont really show symptons of it maybe there thinking of when i was really bad from the beginning and using that as a diagnosis.
about 3 months passed and i had a visit to the phsicatrist again which he then confirmed i did have schizophrenia judging from my symptons of now.
i now take 4mg twice a day of risperidone, this helps with anxiety and makes me relaxed but it doesnt prevent me from hearing faint noises my neighbours make using the slip of the tounge repeating words i think of.
i am currently rethinking whether i have schizophrenia as i read it affects your belief system, i started noticing i do have very abnormal thoughts of paranoia for example : my letter recieved though the post didnt have a signiture therefor someone may have made a fake one and posted it to make me belive that a meeting i was attending had changed dates.
when i spoke to my mum about what had happened at college she said that it was all in my head and that it didnt really happen and its what the illness is about.
but i am 100% sure i was being interrgoated, which makes me think did it really happen, was it in my head, idd the person that spread the rumour really spread the rumour or did they go to great lengths to stage the rumour as the person who disliked me had very big connections with the town.
at the moment people who i live near want me to shut up and continue to annoy me by saying “yovue got it” "you havnt got it, referring to schizophrenia.
i dont take drugs or drink alcohol i only smoke ciggerets
this is very distressing and puts me down and i have not found good information on what to do so im hoping someone will be able to give me some tips on what to do, thankyou for your time.