Hello ! Call me doodle. Excuse my weird typing I had a bad night.
I thought maybe that I could introduce myself to try to … calm down I guess. I’m really new here …as in… just joined
I’m 17- turning 18 in June so that’s nice. Lately I’ve been bothered by the delusion of being in a simulation and the universal police coming to kill me for knowing too much. Sometimes it scares me more then others. I haven’t been diagnosed with anything but anxiety Psychosis… I thought my cat was trying to talk to me the other night and I got so scared
Do you guys ever worry about the legitimacy of what you’re feeling? I’m very scared, it’s happening all so fast. I get scared I’m manipulating others for my own gain subconsciously.
Thanks for reading have a nice night everyone <:) I hope maybe just to chat
Hey.
For 1.5 years.I’m quite new to it
Do you have an official diagnosis?
Wat exactly do u mean by legitimacy is it like u feel like maybe u are making it up.
ohh 1.5 years is still a lot! I’ve had paranoid delusional symptoms for about 6 months, and hallucinations (???, I don’t know if I’m just seeing things wrong, I could swear my car was opening her mouth in a way to say something that one time and that’s why I yelled at her to stop. But I was hysterical at that point.) for a few weeks maybe one or two it just started but it’s scary …
Kind of like that- it’s like a battle with myself where I don’t trust what I’m saying is what’s really happening and I’m scared I just make stuff up for attention… my girlfriend tells me I don’t but it’s hard to believe her sometimes. I feel psychopathic.
Sorry to dump that on you - are you on any medication? What are your symptoms like?
Hi and welcome! I worry a lot about legitimacy. I spend a lot of time trying to logic myself out of my delusions and then spend the rest of my time going “But what if it IS real?!” which resets me back to square one.
It’s always that 1% of belief that keeps me from calming down too. Sometimes I get convinced people trying to calm me down are part of the police or programmed by the simulation.
You don’t seem psychopathic! Probably u are not making up the delusions like ur gf says.
I am on abilify.
I don’t have positive symptoms anymore but I have negative symptoms like concentration changes… Motivation changes…
Have they given u a medicine yet?
Hmm, I try to listen to others because they’re my source of double checking my reality. I had problems with the simulation thing for a while. I still have a lot of problems with seeing other humans as people with independent thoughts and feelings from my own, like they’re NPCs in a video game. I have to remind myself to be careful and kind so I don’t hurt people accidentally. I should say I’ve been psychotic since I was a child, though, so it took quite a few years to develop the insight I have now. I wasn’t always so good at second guessing my brain.
I’m doing well tonight, all things considered. My usual depression isn’t as bad as usual, so that’s very nice. How are you?
Oh yes I get negative symptoms too. Do you ever feel … I don’t know how to explain it… when you are completely blank faced and no one can talk to you and you want to reply but it’s hard to find the will to?
That’s good! My friend once told me that if I am worried I am a psychopath, I probably aren’t a psychopath. But then I worry my subconscious is psychopathic. It’s very hard to trust myself.
No, not yet. I’m going in this week to get a prescription- my therapist wants me to try an antidepressant with an anti anxiety effect - have you ever been on antidepressants? I’m nervous to try it
Oh wow since a child huh? I can imagine that was super difficult. i totally get what you mean by the NPC thing - well in my own way (obviously id never be able to understand) but just the idea of people being part of the program to me makes me kind of detached from them… but in a sad, lonely way.
That sounds great! I read on your profile you like pokemon ? I really liked the pokemon mystery dungeon games, i was talking about them earlier today. Do you have a favourite ? I’m okay- I was much worse earlier (I really didn’t want to exist on earth anymore, but I think I just didn’t want to exist in pain anymore) but now I’m in a better mood. It’s nice to talk to people. My mood changes extremely fast, does yours?
I often would rather reside to my bedroom than talk with my family. But I want to slowly increase my social life with them. I won’t be living with them forever. In that sense I can relate… Sorry you get this too.
Oh OK it looks like maybe by reducing the anxiety they can reduce ur delusional symptoms then. I’m not a fan of antidepressants myself but they work well for others so I wish u best of luck with them! I’m off to bed soon it’s five twentione am here but I truly wish u a good stay here
It was quite difficult. I didn’t receive treatment until I became an adult and sought it out for myself once I started hallucinating instead of just being delusional. It’s good you’ve caught this fast. The faster you start treatment, the better the prognosis, generally.
I loved the Mystery Dungeon games. My favorite Pokemon are Absol and Pumpkaboo.
To answer your question about mood, I would say yes, although it’s more stuck in the negative end as of late.
Yes! The problem is I can’t tell if I really hallucinate or not… I can see peripheral movement, and the cat mouth thing was clear, and I could’ve sworn I saw someone in my window. That’s all for visual hallucination, if you can call it that. I saw vividly a crack on my phone screen at some point, or maybe it was a crushed spider (recently mine you) sometimes giant spiders are the ceiling. But then I look, they’re not there. ive had tactile hallucinations for a longer period of time. Do you think I should take these seriously, or brush them off as mis-seeing?
I love absol! Especially after those PMD games if I remember correctly. I have always had a soft spot for starly, my first game was pokemon pearl and I just adore his design. He’s so soft I want 10000 starly plushies.
That’s actually a relief to hear- well, not that you’re In a bad mood of course! My mood is all over the place. Today I was so happy I felt like I was cured and didn’t need to go to therapy anymore, and anyone who questioned me I got angry and frusterated with.
Sorry, I worry I talk to much about myself, I hope you don’t mind !
My usual depression isn’t as bad as usual, so that’s very nice. How are you?
My favorite Pokemon are Absol and Pumpkaboo.