I agree, you should see a Dr, you sound a bit paranoid of him. Maybe its time for meds? As for flat affect I have it and thats why I never got a gf after sz, girls in nightclubs tell me that I need to smile and that I give bad vibes. Fk them.
There was one community health worker that I called the hawk because every time he would see me he would boast at how good he was at seeing the symptoms of sz. I was like wow did you see a list of symptoms somewhere? I wouldn’t worry about your boyfriend unless he aspires to be like the hawk, swooping down from above to pounce on you every time you display a symptom.
I have terrible social anxiety too, I’ve had long periods of agoraphobia before because of it. People don’t get it unless they’ve experienced it themselves. They think you just need to loosen up. It’s frustrating.
It’s definitely complicated to have sz to struggle with it and want to be better but at the same time be kind of endeared to some of its features and be repulsed by the way normals are. It’s a kind of triangle of contradiction that is hard for someone without sz to understand.