I’ve been having a negative opinion of myself for a while lately, which can cause me to feel particularly down on myself like I’m looking up from a well with no perceived way out. It, however, does not make me in a state of acrimony, which is good. So while I may be joking a lot more now, I’m not joyous. The only time I am in a state of pure happiness is when I’m doing religious things, but I obviously can’t do that all the time.
I think this all stems from my addiction, mental illness, and low self-confidence that I’ve always had. Luckily I am improving on those things with a therapist and other ways. I feel like a complete and utter failure in everything I do.
I’m not good at anything, even though I firmly believe that each man and woman have at least one talent or gift. I guess I just haven’t found it yet. All I can admit is my weaknesses, not any strengths I may have. Sometimes I ponder with such superstition that I firmly think that I was born just to show people how not to be. And unbeknownst to me for a while, I also think that I have nothing to go for. I’m not competitive like I once was, and I’m not as aspired to go forward. And I think that its basically impossible for me to date anyone, much less get married; I’m just not desirable in any way and am pretty uninteresting.