The crisis team always asks the question “are you having thoughts of harming yourself or others”. Have you ever wanted to harm others? have you? I almost always turn thoses feelings on myself. I wonder what stops us from crossing that line. Do you ever feel unsafe around others, like you might hurt them?
When I’m full blown psychotic (Delusional/Paranoid)
I can be a danger towards others.
I’ve choked a girl once but I never wanted to. I was in the middle of a psychotic episode at the time and I remember thinking this girl was controlling my thoughts. I thought she was going to “prick” a part of me that was violent when I was resisting and I was saying “no” inside my head and then it happened. She “pricked” me and I became savagely and violently angry, choking her and pulling myself off when I came to. I do not feel good about this and wish I never thought that.
Days later I went to the mental hospital. When I got out and saw her next, she showed me cuts on her arm. And when I asked why she said she thought I went to the mental hospital and had a psychotic break down because of what she was doing to me.
That night I went home and cut my arms, shoulders, and chest to show her I loved her.
I have hurt few people including wife physical rare but emotional mostly and myself when i was not stable. I really dont know what i am doing those times. When i am stable i think of why it happened.
I have hurt a number of people, some badly, I am better than I was. Still have a lot of anger over past things.
Do get the thoughts sometimes. Learned some good ways of dealing with them.
Family, friends know if I just tail it out is me removing myself form the “thing or person” that is driving it.
I do spend a lot of time alone and home schooled.
Waits for everyone to keep completely clear of her
Y’all cray hahaha
Yeah we were pretty messed up lol
Did throw a boy at school out of a second floor window, after fighting and choking him backwards over a locker. Him broken his arm and ankle. I was 13.
Same year after getting into a fight at school with a different boy I smathed his face into a stone Piller right on the edge, cracking his skull a little.
Year after after getting a “rep” of a crazy girl one boy challenged me to punch him to prove how “hard” he was so I did taking one of his front teeth and warching him fold on the ground crying, after that no one bulled me also no one talked to me or came more than a few feet to me.
Smathed a number of people into door, walls tables all good hard edges.
Let all the self harm with burning, cutting and worse. Using a car door to crack my own head open
In wards I hurt the staff a few times Mainly using doors and chairs.
was a fun times explaining to my doctor just how I could use and weaponinse just about everything in her office and on the ward.
Penned a doctor to the back wall of his office by pushing the desk back and back. He was completely ass hole.
Once ripped the kitchen sink off a wall at a shared housing, put dind marks into metal cookie sheets by punching them.
The other times are worse
Hmmm. Violence. I used to pride myself that I’ve only gotten violent once in 37 years of schizophrenia. And that was 37 years ago and I was provoked and all it entailed was me losing my temper and throwing a bowl of cereal as hard a I could at some guys face. I missed. But lately I’ve been thinking that it might have been better 37 years ago to punch my tormentors in the face occasionally. Just to send a message. Oh well, the violent cereal chucker retired from violence at age 19 and peoples faces are safe from Raisin Bran and milk from me.
Never hurt anyone, but while psychotic, I tried to gouge my left eye out, because I believed some sort of camera had been implanted there. Thank goodness, my attempt failed.
No. I freak out when someone tries to hurt a fly and I feel bad now I got angry at my dad for stepping on a slug… it honestly felt like a part of me died.
Back when I was on drugs and not medicines, I would get very angry and hit my boyfriend, but mostly because he hit me first…
Also when I was a teenager I’d beat up my younger siblings because I had so much pent-up anger and frustration and they knew just what buttons to push.
But now, I’m very peaceful. I rarely ever get angry, and when I do, I don’t get violent. I can be condescending or even mean if pushed enough, but no physical violence.
I bet your dad understood your passion and loved that about you. These are the kinds of quirks and traits that make you who you are - they’re precious.
(My co-person likes to complain about the strain of living with someone who builds rain shelters for wasps - she says my refusal to hurt any creature a nearly impossible standard to live by. But she’s also very obviously proud of me for it.)
I give a reaction answer. Can I? No I have never harmed anyone. But I am very safety conscious. Sometimes I see dangers in may places and many ways.
I have not physically hurt someone or been hurt physically I remember of. Maybe pulled a girl’s hair once in school
and punched some guy in 3rd grade.
I have been hurt though a lot by people mentally, during difficult times, bullied, etc.
I’ve snapped two times. Didnt hurt but enganged in wrestling. Drunk at both times.
Ive hurt lots and lots of people…never during an episode… ive only been beat once… he was very skilled at hand to hand… and i thanked him for not taking my life…
some kind of a game then? Or do you just like fighting?
Kendo…military…various martial arts… now its just for exercise…
that must help with your illness tremendously