Have I recovered?

So I have spent a solid two weeks at the hud housing and so far am enjoying it. Keeping things neat, doing my own dishes and laundry and taking out trash weekly. The first night i stayed here I couldn’t sleep and thought there was a "spirit’ in the room. Shortly after I told it to leave it left and Im at peace here. I havent had any issues. The only one issue was I came back to find my paintings had been knocked over but they were leaning on the shelf so easy explanation is they just fell.

Lately after I take abilify I find that i dont necessarily have the same effects as before. Before when I was paranoid it would get rid of the paranoia. Now I dont have paranoia so it just makes me feel racy and sometimes the abilify seems to enhance the feelings. I have also been drug-free and alcohol free for months and months. Im fighting the battle to use, and Im winning.

Remove the addictive behaviors/gambling or bad choices, I do better. Strengthen inner self awareness. Keep my space clean. My physical health is not so good. I need to work on that.

I dont know if I need abilify anymore, or if its time to lower the dose from 10mgs to 5mgs. The Hydroxizine makes me so tired now too. So its starting to work effectively. It makes me fall asleep.

I cant tell if the abilify is improving things or making them worse. Recently I watched a movie on netflix, took abilify and then went to bed. All night I was dreaming about the movie, re-creating new endings. there needs to be a limit to imagination, de-realization and distractions.

If schizophrenia is retreating to a fantasy world. Abilify allows and enables me to do that. I feel dependent on it because it provides a filter between me and the pain I feel when confronted with real emotions and pain. I use it to numb the reality I am surrounded with, and let them call it schizophrneia…but its also MDD. MDD is like anxiety and depression, but not real anxiety. The depression is scary.

Perhaps abilify is the key to surviving MDD major depressive disorder and trauma, stress, anxiety or things that lead to mania and psychosis. I know stress makes it worse. Im also reading a lot can be attributed to what we consume, our diets, thoughts, behaviors, and activities.

Im not sure I know how to test the waters as a plan to come off psych meds has never been discussed. I just feel like there is something missing and I dont feel like myself a lot anymore.

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I recovered…my couch.

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If your feeling better chances are it’s the meds, I struggle with this thinking to but it’s because of the meds you are better.

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I still dont feel quite like myself. Isn’t schizophrenia degenerative? I took two 10mgs Abilify last night to see if I would feel more normal afterwards. I did sleep better throughout the night, woke up more rested, and do feel more like myself.

Having trouble waking up without coffee. Oh well its as good as it gets for now.

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read some of this.
was it a shadow, or a ghost?
you could consider that
a visual hallucination
or something that just scared you.
idk, what do you think it was?
glad you like your place, though.

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for me it’s my recliner.
Phil and Eliza take the couch.
what do you like to watch on tv Patrick?

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