Hallucinations, or anxiety?

Unusual Beliefs
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So I still don’t like to call myself sz because I haven’t been properly diagnosed yet, and I have so many issues (done an MRI, nothing physically wrong), that I want to rule out possibilities.

I was doing some research and tests online to see if it’s just my anxiety that causes hallucinations. So, they said I can’t have sz because reading that article means I’m in touch with reality and I am aware, but I only clicked on it because I was looking for physical symptoms to know when I’m going to have an episode, I wasn’t directly looking for sites like that, until it made me question things.

So it says with people with anxiety, they can experience voices from a loud noise, or see shadows in the corner of their eyes, or in rare cases hallucinations, but it all ends after the anxiety. Except it doesn’t end for me there. My hallucinations just get /worse/ and more clear when my anxiety is heightened, my eyes get buggy and I get paranoid and start having delusions of grander or harm, even when my anxiety calms down.

Like yesterday, it started with anxiety because my stomach felt sick, but I’m /always/ anxious when I feel sick, and this usually doesn’t happen even when I’m anxious because I’m doing so well to cope, but I believe what triggered this episode was doing art, because that’s when my art is my best because my brain has taken over and I go off into a fantasy land that I can’t get out of. Like the dragon I was drawing, I thought it was alive and that people were enjoying my art and wanted me to do a “show” because my voices said so, so I started talking out loud and voicing what the voices were saying, because I thought everyone was watching me and was fascinated, which sounds crazy, I know. Because I have two awareness’s, half of my brain is somewhat in touch with reality, but the rest is not. I have a little “voice”,not related to sz that tells me what I’m doing is silly and people are going to make fun of you, or that you should be ashamed. And I always feel embarrassed talking about these delusions because they’re so embarrassing. I still believe it to be true, but I need to shove it in the back of my head.

Anyways, my hallucinations were never strong, but they are solid when I’m anxious/having an episode. Like the troso running at me. And my cat who meows at me and brushes against my leg, and I see her running towards me so I hold out my hand (she’s not there, she just haunts me. Seprate from my real cat), but I always figure out it’s not real, but it will still continue and I will be scared. I’m still disconnected, like I’m dreaming but I’m still aware of my thoughts.

I never quite understood the whole “they’re too ill to know what’s going on” but I see plenty of people on here aware of these things happening. I don’t get it. Do you think I’m just anxious? It makes no sense to me, because these things continue even after I’m anxious

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If you feel anxiety, you know it. At least I do. Maybe you should be treated for anxiety

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I am being treated. It’s WAY better than it was years ago. I’m able to function and I haven’t had a panic attack since last year. I’m still anxious because I’m put into anxious situations, but I preform exposure therapy on myself a lot so it’s typically a few skipped heart beats and I calm down. If not I just go into the bathroom and breathe.

Not of that was ever enough to trigger hallucinations, so I don’t understand how it’s linked, because I
ll have delusions and hallucinate whether I’m anxious or not, it’s just more common for me to be triggered first

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I also think when anxiety is treated, sz type symptoms are so, so much easier to deal with

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It can be anxiety and depression causing this. I have psychotic depression myself, and while I have some low level psychotic symptoms off and on as stress fluctuates (mainly visuals and some odd beliefs), the truly disabling symptoms (destructive delusions and paranoia) come in the context of severe depression. I generally always retain some insight - logically, I know that something is wrong, but emotionally, I don’t.

You say that many people here have insight, and this is true. But you need to remember that most of the people here have been under treatment for a long time and have come to grips with their symptoms and how to recognize them. For most of them, when their symptoms first presented, they had no insight at all, and insight was only achieved through intensive treatment.

Even so, I am sure you have seen several people here who, even with knowledge of their diagnosis, currently exhibit little or no insight into their symptoms at all.

I strongly recommend that you don’t self-diagnose! It’s so tempting and the answers seem so obvious to us, but there’s a reason it takes a decade of training to be qualified to do this. Just work with your doctors and keep an open mind.

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Stop doing tests online and looking (shit) up!

It could 100% be anxiety even if you don’t feel anxious,

@Rhubot covered a lot of the points I was going to make, so I won’t repeat everything,

But you’ve got to stop doing “research”.

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Right, I don’t like calling myself sz. I have psychotic symptoms, and only learned how to manage and realize that this is an illness and not real until this year. When it started as a child I had no idea and I thought it was a special secret that I had, that I could see ghosts and speak to trees and that I was a god. I was living many delusions for years and didn’t get some insight until this year when I stopped being able to do simple functions like knowing where I am, the day it is, who my parents are, etc.

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Okay I’ll stop. I just like to make sure what’s going on

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I know you just want information,

But its an endless abyss online.

You’ll get bad information and it’ll mess with your head.

Try to stick to what your doctor says and treat symptoms.

You’re doing good,

Just keep from getting lost on the internet.

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I know, it’s such a bad problem for me. I feel so confused and scared, I need some form of control. I can’t trust anybody, not even myself. I don’t know what to do. All I know is that I don’t have any organic problems causing the symptoms, and my doctor is ruling out the possibilities. I just want some control for once

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You can control going online and reading bogus stuff.

Give yourself some credit for the things you can control,

Even if they seem tiny in comparison.

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