Struggling with mental illness (whatever I have) is made a lot harder I think by coming from a family that doesn’t even believe in mental illness.
When my mind is winding up in a delusional problem, I usually have a period of time where I slip in and out of delusion. Nobody is aware of it unless I talk to someone about it, which usually doesn’t happen because I’m a very secretive, quiet person.
About a week ago, late at night, I had a panic attack involving some paranoid issues, I thought that I was being harassed or possessed by demons. I was home alone which probably made the issue worse.
In a moment of desperation I emailed my grandmother explaining that my whole family has been cursed by demons and that these demons are now trying to come after me. I was very upset and asking her for advice because she is by far the most religious person I have ever known.
I finally crashed from exhaustion and slept for about 7 hours. When I woke up I felt calmer and detached from the events of the previous night.
However my grandmother is now convinced that I really am tormented by demons, and she wants me to have an exorcism. In her emails to me she even explains that she found a priest to perform the exorcism and that she is willing to drive 4 hours to come pick me and take me to this person.
I emailed her back thanking her for the offer but saying no thank you, that I just need time and space to pray. I’m not actually religious, but that was the best way I could come up with to disengage from the situation without insulting her beliefs, since I had started the situation in the first place.
But now this will be weighing on my mind off and on, about whether I am making the right decision, if maybe I should get an exorcism done, if maybe the demons just want me to believe I am mentally ill and it’s yet another trick.
My whole family is like this in one way or another. Whenever I am experiencing symptoms and it shows, they never acknowledge or recognize that I am having symptoms.
Just venting.
