I just got out of the hospital. When I was in there, I made a plan to kill myself the night I got out, but I didn’t go through with it. I told myself, for now, I want to live. But I made a suicide pact with a friend from my first hospital stay, and we had an amazing plan to die, but I looked up the suicide laws in the United States and if one of us survived, we would be charged with manslaughter.
So instead of that plan, me and my friend are gonna hang out the entire day and night, go home, and then kill ourselves. I’m going to tell my therapist, for reasons unknown to even me. I know that she might send me to the hospital if I tell her, but I could just say it was a past idea and does not reflect how I currently feel and she will let it go.
Anyway, if she decides to send me to the hospital I will be sent to a long-term facility because my treatment team decided this was the last straw and that if I was hospitalized one more time I would be institutionalized in a group home or sent to psychiatric residential. So I either kill myself Wednesday evening after my therapy appointment or I’m sent to a long-term ward at the local psychiatric hospital.
And I’m off my meds. I feel sick, tired, my head hurts. I put all this pain on myself. I am responsible for my disease.
contact a psychiatric facility and let them know you are planning on killing yourself. You need help, not death. there is still hope my friend. I wouldn’t mind living in a group home or psychiatric home. It would give you time to stabilize and get yourself together? give it a chance. Life is far from over for you I hope.
You need to tell your therapist everything, and get back on medication. Going to a long term facility could be the best thing to ever happen to you. Killing yourself is never the answer no matter what the circumstances are.
As long as you are still alive, there is always hope that your life will get better. Don’t wait for your therapist. Go to the hospital now. @77nick77 lived in an institution for a long time, and he can tell you how it was the best thing that ever happened to him. You can work on getting stable there. I think you want to tell people because deep down you know it is a mistake to go through with it. Check yourself back in and get real help.
If it helps any, long term facilities aren’t nearly as horrible as the hospital. A lot of them are very well-run by caring staff who believe in the work they do.
Please contact your therapist and let her know that you’re feeling suicidal and that you have a date and a plan (that way your therapist knows how urgent this situation is). You could also go to the ER or call 911 or a suicide hotline. Please also encourage your friend to contact someone for help or let your therapist know that you have a friend who is also feeling suicidal.
A stay in a long term facility would allow you time to get stabilized, to get back on medication and find one that works for you, and to work through things in a safe environment.
Please contact someone to help both you and your friend.
I know the nature of what we have for “help” out there believe me but please get help, reach out to anyone, reach within for anything. All I know is that if I can pull through my life as dismal as that is anyone can survive anything. Life is worth living even when it seemingly isn’t. Look I used to work at this summer camp for the severely disabled, people who basically couldn’t talk or eat for themselves, but when I’d see them floating in the pool the look on they’re faces and shouts of joy were obvious. Not that these people could kill themselves if they wanted to but to see absolute joy in the face of a person who can’t eat solid food or speak told me there’s life worth living even where you’d think it not worth it.
I don’t know why I shared this, it’s what came to mind, and I struggle, believe me I struggle, and I can’t say I haven’t been there, I’ve attempted more than once. At least get you’re friend help I mean how do you know they aren’t going to do it? Just, you never know, my life got better after I’d tried to kill myself twice. I’ve been through hell and yet for some reason the more hell I go through the better a person I come out the other side as.
@HulGil I didn’t realize that you were so young. In one of your previous posts you mentioned still being a minor and living with your parents. Please let your parents know that you are feeling suicidal. You are so young and have so much more living to do.
You also have such wonderful friends, could you reach out to them?
Your family and friends would be devastated if you were no longer here. Please ask for help.
The fact that you’re off of your meds may be causing this whole mess. Side-effects suck but nonetheless, medication does wonders for many people. Medication won’t erase all your problems. Medication won’t erase all your symptoms. But for most people it makes their symptoms and there lives more manageable and bearable.