I once told a nurse that I had blood 
in my semen. I’m a girl. I meant feces.
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“Asscatcher” instead of “ashcatcher.”
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When I was a kid, a doctor asked me about my school. I said it was great! Then I realized he said “stool”, as in poop. I had given a very enthusiastic answer.
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Oh. That’s hilarious 
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I always thought it was a “bowel removement” up until high school when my mom finally corrected me.
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Me and a friend used to say “hoovering” instead of hovering.
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Oh that’s just cute 
!!!
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I always thought it was “anti-toxidants” for foods that helped prevent cancer. Actually it is “antioxidants”. Learned that in my forties.
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I’m removing my rude comment
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I use to think that line from “Blinded by the light” was “wrapped up like a douche” when in actuality it’s “wrapped up like a deuce”. IDK. That’s the only thing I can think of off the top of my head.
My sister used to think, when she was a kid, that the pledge of allegiance said “and to the republic for Richard Sands”. Instead of “and to the republic for which it stands.”
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That’s funny 
1515
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My high school friend was spending the night at my house. While she was in the shower she asked me ,”What do I do with my pad?” (As in menstrual pad). I said, “We usually just wrap ours in toilet paper and put them in the trash.”
So after she finished I went to use the bathroom and I see a towel wrapped in toilet paper on the bathroom counter. I think we had a misunderstanding lol
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