Schizophrenia.com

For all those feeling lost in tunnel

Our Darling @Anna1 asked me about coping with negative symptoms e.i depression/anhedonia. I tried to answer my best, then I thought I could make it a thread, for all of us feeling the way it is almost unexplainably bad.

I know how you feel. When I’m down, it is a disaster of self pity and when I’m high that is totally crazy and I do things that I regret after is all over.
And right now I feel sick, worthless, desperate and self loathing. So, depression obviously, doesn’t have anything with how you look or what you have or don’t have in your life. It is a state of mind.
And in my mind, I’m the worst person ever.

No one can give you an advice about what to do with your depression. It is something deeply private, it lives with you and only you can find a way to make it disappear.
You have to find what works for you.

The first step are medications. That is where your psychiatrist jumps in. 1/3 of the job is done if that works.

The second step is learning to cope/reinterpret/ avoid automatic thoughts. Those are every thoughts that are repeatedly self disapproving, negative and regressive. That is like a pattern of negative thinking or a trial that has no witnesses.

The third step is a psychotherapy. Don’t make a great deal about it. It can be a talk with anyone who is willing to listen you and to whom you believe. The purpose is to let yourself feel your emotions instead of suppressing them ( by the set of defense mechanisms) and to try to let them go.

These are just the coordinates of the freedom road.
I hope this will give you at least a track of light to find your way out.

I mean, it should be that simple, but it is so hard to move.

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thanks sarad,its simply clear yeap… i was ready to cope myself with the negative thougths but my med made me crazy this night…i didnt go to sleep,i couldnt and in the morning i was really paranoid(its worse for me if i dont sleep)… i was really anhedonic also,its hard this one too… i guess ill try some more days on this dose and this med and if i get so agitated again ill talk to my doc… as you know all, i am really tired of trying all kind of meds…

Well, you see Anna, I take two different antidepressants and I still feel like ■■■■.
And they work, because I know how it is like when they don’t.
So maybe it is not only about pills.
Ask your pdoc about some techniques to help you develope some positive thoughts. I used to write them.
Have you checked on other physical factors because there are couple of things that can cause depression and demotivation from strictly biological side, like thyroid hormones or anemia.?

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And, how much time you’re waiting for them to work? I know for AD’s is like a 6 weeks approximately.

I believe we experience depression with this illnesses mainly because we want to be “normal”. I know I do… We want to experience the same things we did when we thought we were. We envy others that are in better shape then us because of that. It’s part of the recovery process to let go of those things… A friend of mine said that I’m special, not sick lol He was sweet, well intended. (he also said I should not pay big pharma and let go of meds, but I forgive his ignorance on that subject, he doesn’t know what I go through unmedicated… He also has aids and prefers to live without meds, shortnening his life span).

Anyway, we can live happy lives even with this illnesses with the right mindset. That’s my goal, for beating my depression. It’s a really hard struggle everyday, all day long, but I know it’s going to pay off in a few years.

I might add; of course dealing with symptoms is in itself depressing, we just have to find a way to be at peace at the same time.

my 2 cents on this subject

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The most wise thought that I came up with when it comes to depression is that one I wrote above: it is a state of mind.
I say that, because no matter how good things are happening to me or around me (according to others) I still can’t feel it.
I see it, but I can’t feel.

So if it is not (only) related to other conditions and the whole context around the person…it has to be something really insidious, and it has to have a life on its own.
And it probably grows up as of my childhood.

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I know what you mean. I keep getting outside opinions and reassurances for my accomplishments, I can’t feel them.

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and what about your emotions sarad when you re depressed? do you feel something? me i feel mostly negative things but i say to myself also that this i s a state of mind yeah… now i am worried to put more kilos and i feel reallu ugly…plus the fact that i cant feel love anymore…

Thoughts that say: “you are worthless. You are a waste of air and space. They would be better without you. You are a loser. Everyone are doing better. You gonna ruin everyone’s life. Your kid will hate you once he knows who you are.”.
I guess if these were voices, I’ll be dead by now.

Dead inside. That’s is the best description i can come up with.

Lol I hope I didn’t get you down with this. O.o

all the young people dying in my town has left me appricateing my time left living, because time is running out

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@sarad great topic, well said. I find journaling helps. I have a tough time with talk therapy, the words come out easier on paper. Often, or sometimes, that insidious depression doesn’t have a cause it’s just there.

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…and then you get questions like " what’s the matter with you? You have a boyfriend, a kid, this and that, you should be happy".

I believe that the deepest cause is hidden deep down in our childhood.
It took this much for me to recall all the negative emotions I had back then.

(And I should add that, as far as I know, a psychotherapy here is mostly focused on developing ‘coping skills’, sort of training the mind to think differently. They never look that much to patient’s past. )

I’m finding this true too the more I learn about myself and put pieces together about my childhood. I was just kidding myself all those years that I had a normal, happy childhood. Now I can reflect back and say that it wasnt all that sparkily and shiny.

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No I’m the worst person ever. You can’t just sneak up here and take that title away from me, lol. Sorry, just trying to cheer you up. It amazes me that you think so badly of yourself. You have traits that I admire and I will never have. You stand up for yourself which takes courage. Even though you had problems with @SoitGoes, he admits you are a sweet person. You speak your mind and you’re a strong women. And you take your time to help people. I acknowledge your suffering and the real feelings you are having right now, I don’t want to minimize that but you should also acknowledge your strengths and go easy on yourself as much as possible. Good luck @Sarad.

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Of course he admits that because I threatened him that I’ll fly out there.

Thanks Nick, always so sweet and noble and supportive!

I feel the same way, and I am 56 years old. Make sure you don’t end up my age and hating yourself.

I’m sure there are no objective reasons to feel like that. But I get what you’re saying.

God, this thread is so dark.

I feel like my mind has been cast into an abyss. It’s nothing but a dark chakra, emotionless, but painless. I am feeling more & more like an object as this season passes onward into Winter, and my humanity is starting to disappear. I don’t know what is to become of me, for I have dreams in which I am no longer human, but either an animal or a substance…

At any rate, I am looking forward to my natural death, and I am honestly going to miss nothing here. As Buddhists do - they “detach” from all things of this world, and I feel I am doing just that - “detaching”. It’s just unfortunate that the more “detached” I become, the more I love the thought of death and hate the thought of life (not suicide, no way… just attaining a life free from Earthly pains).