First world problem? Or just my world

DX'd - Other
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Being liked is nice, right? I like it anyways. It’s actually new for me in a way. I’m sure my childhood friends liked me; we hung out from 5th grade and all the way through high school. After high school we still hung out but I made new friends. But anyways, at work a few people like me, even maybe a lot of people (I’m exaggerating to make myself feel better).

But an old problem surfaced this week. To put it bluntly, I don’t have it in me to have a lot of people like me. I can’t handle a lot of people liking me, I just don’t have the capacity. And even worse, I can’t handle people treating me normal and accepting me. I thought for the last three years that I wanted to be liked, accepted, and maybe occsionally put a little scare in people (everybody else does sometimes, why not me)?

When I go to work three days a week, there’s two security guards checking ID’s at the door. Everyone who comes in has to show ID and they take it seriously because it’s an Army Reserve office and we had a bomb threat a couple of years ago. And sometimes they post signs warning people to be especially alert that day due to possible terrorist activity in the building. If you leave during the day and go outside you have to show your ID every time you come back.

But I like talking to the guards, it’s cool and they are friendly and kind of joke around with me and I joke back. And today one of them just looked me in the eye and I could tell he thought I was OK and just last week the other guard did the same thing. It freaked me out. And as I went about my day other people were friendly as usual. But the problem really bugs me.

I know I’m a little old (58) to be caring if people like me or not but it feels good to be liked. Or I’m too old to get too happy when someone treats me with respect like any other person. But I’m a late bloomer.

It’s weird problem, I don’t know if anyone else has the same problem.

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Oxytocin. It’s the feeling you get when you hug someone. The love hormone. I know exactly what you’re talking about. It’s better than dopamine IMO.

I would say the problem lies in the use of anti psychotic medication. We can’t feel while were on them. There are moments like yours when we do, and it seems like it’s a problem. I don’t think it is.

I lost the ability to feel happiness a long time ago. But I’m not depressed. I believe I was programmed to be depressed and nothing in this world can help me. But I do believe I can help others and that’s what I live for. The only true feeling I can feel is when someone can relate to something. That brings me joy. The feeling of recognizing something that is beneficial. Something I’m looking for. But I don’t now what. Sorry, kind of getting off topic here …

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Thanks. I just figured my brain isn’t big enough to handle too much like.

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I just “liked” your post. I hope I didn’t cause your daily “like” quota to be exceeded. :blush:

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I actually know exactly what you mean. I get uncomfortable when people like me in real life. It’s like they might expect something from me emotionally that I might not be capable of giving due to schizophrenia.

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I feel the same way. Anti psychotics make me feel emotionally numb and on the rare occasion I do feel a little joy and happiness it’s like it feels good and at the same time makes me nervous. And also in my case I’m scared to get to close to anyone because I never know when I’m in psychosis and it hurts me when all the sudden they treat me differently.
Being liked and respected doesn’t come with a age limit. It’s a human condition we all need and want.

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I think it just makes us nervous because we don’t value ourselves enough to think it’s normal for people to hold us in high regard. When they do it’s kind of shocking. And that jolt of shock can be uncomfortable and our nerves can kick in. Which for me gets paranoia going. Not sure about you.

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People who have low self worth find social acceptance very uncomfortable due to the ‘disconfirming feedback’ (i.e. the other people not agreeing that they are worthless thereby contradicting the person’s world view).

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i didnt think people who have schizophrenia could work for the army. are you doing research to monitor us for them and really dont have a mental illness? i remember a while back you refused to post a selfie in the selfie thread. not upset just wondering.

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I am a janitor who is contracted in from an outside company to work in an Army Reserve office building. Last time I looked in a mirror I’m still the guy who has had paranoid schizophrenia for 38 years and counting.

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Actually, this answer makes a lot of sense. It might explain it.

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i trust you. mainly because ive seen so much of your good content on here. like i said i wasnt upset or anything just had a brainfart with the whole employed by military lol. ive had schizoaffective for about 9 years. got any advice for when i get older? earlier this evening i was upset about seeing other people on facebook that i knew from when i was younger and how they are all married with kids and what not and seemed happy… did u ever get married and have kids or are we both in the statistic of those men who are dx before age 25 never marry?

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@77nick77, I think I can relate. Just recently I’ve been chatting on and off with a couple people from my high school. And one of them told me that the other person I’m talking to was saying nice things about me.

And I’m thinking to myself “Why would anyone say something nice about me.”

I’ve even convinced myself these two people might be playing a prank on me.

I suppose in reality, most people generally mean well, even though they have flaws and problems.

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Yea I’m pretty shocked that people actually like me to. It makes me worry about there intent in liking me. But I try to keep that at bay because i know I’m just being paranoid. But it does feel good to be liked and wanted. And actually really liked like wow who would have thought. I’m grateful.

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Probably staying on medication is the best idea. I’ve seen too many people go off when they are feeling better and figure they don’t need med anymore when the meds are the reason they are feeling stable. The majority relapse because of this. Probably the best idea is not to get involved in drugs or drinking either. Period.

From personal experience, it is extremely important to take care of your health. Your health when you’re younger will determine a lot about your health in the future and will effect your quality of life as you age. Take care of yourself because as you get older it gets harder and harder to lose weight and easier and easier to gain. Most people take their health for granted until they don’t have it anymore.

I don’t spend a lot of time comparing myself to so-called “normies”. I’m satisfied most of the time with what I’ve accomplished myself and my family gives me enough positive and encouraging words on how well I’ve done.

IDK, just the basics like eating right, getting enough sleep, exercising. Just common sense things like these are important.

Human contact is right up there in importance as you age. Our instincts as schizophrenics tell us to isolate and avoid people but having a support system as you age can work wonders. Family, a good psychiatrist, neighbors, a friend, even cashiers at a store you regularly go to or whoever else you can think of. People are social animals and just having a comfortable interaction at some points in the day is therapeutic.

Personally, I have worked almost my whole life. It is due to a few things:

Hard work, lots of help and lots of luck.

I put in the groundwork for those things. I did a lot of stuff when I was younger that I didn’t like or even hated. But it helped me in the long run. So I attended the vocational programs, I saw all the therapists and psychiatrists, I lived for years in the group homes, I dutifully went to family group therapy, I did the volunteer jobs, I went to day treatment. I didn’t like a lot about them but looking back I can see they helped.
Sorry for rambling. But you asked, lol.

As to marriage, no I’ve never been married or had kids. I adopted the AA philosophy. Marriage and kids was not in the cards for me but I still have had married friends who have kids and so I can hang around them and enjoy being around good families and socializing with them without the responsibility of working on a marriage myself or having all the responsibility of raising my own family.

Anyways, I hoped this helped in some way. Have a good rest of the day.

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thank you @77nick77 i have always been pretty good about being compliant with taking my meds and after i lived in the group home i started taking my health more seriously as i exercise everyday for about an hour or so.

i have tried working over 10 jobs before i got on disability but none of them worked out for me.

i agree with the instincts as i prefer to stay home alone most of the time but i still try to text people everyday and communicate with friends and family. its just sometimes being around other people can raise my anxiety and feel overwhelming sometimes.

my mom has cancer and she is usually stuck on the couch binge watching netflix shows most days. the reason i moved back to my hometown was so that i could spend more time with my parents even tho after i moved out of the group home i moved in with my ex gf for a couple months who had borderline pd and we broke up after a couple months of living together.

over the past year i have taken my physical health a lot more seriously by doing pushups everyday.

i think i will probly be in the same boat as you as far as marriage and kids. i think about having a girlfriend A LOT but i think its mostly just thoughts of sex as i know it would be very stressful for me to have the responsibility of being married and all that comes with it. one thing yesterday i was bummed out about was that i had seen some old friends on fb and how they were all married with kids and seemed happy and worked full time. but then i was grateful for my own circumstances of not being able to work and thankful that i had disability income to help me since i cant hold down a job even tho i wont have a significant other.

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I’m sorry about your moms health @noahide. I’ve had cancer in my family members too. I hope your mom improves.

But to get back to the subject of schizophrenia, I’ve seen too many miracles for people with schizophrenia to give up on my own life and other peoples lives.

I’ve had people who I knew through vocational programs or support groups etc. who I would swear would never get a girlfriend or a job and I lose touch with them for several years only to run into them and find out they got a job and worked for several years or they had a steady girlfriend for awhile or did some other great thing in life.

Never say never. It’s cool if you’ve come to terms with not being employed. I’ve seen miracles but there is also wisdom in knowing your limitations and there is wisdom in knowing when to back off and accept that you need to let something go that you can’t do and turn your energy elsewhere. It’s a fine line between perseverance and intelligently surrendering. (surrendering does not have to have a negative connotation, it can be a good thing).

Personally, I have been very lucky when it comes to being employed and living independently and a few other things. Because luck plays a big part in recovery. Sometimes (relative) success is just being in the right place at the right time. I’ve stumbled onto jobs that I was able to do very good at and lasted years at. I never knew at the beginning if I would do good at them but after a few months I find that I can do the work and I end up staying there for years.

The disgraced Woody Allen once said, “90% of success is just showing up.” And that’s what I’m good at.

I hope this whole answer isn’t a convoluted mess. It’s just stuff that I’ve picked up over the years.

Personally, at age 58, I am winding down in life. I know there’s a few guys on here older than me and I hope to live that long too and I haven’t given up by a longshot. But a big priority for me now is personal growth. I see other people of every age who have confidence and people on here sometimes complain they have no confidence but I still see they have more personal confidence than I’ve ever had. In AA, members say about other peoples good recovery, “I see what they got and I want it.” So I see people with confidence and I want a little myself. So I hate to derail this thread but that is my goal. I’ve achieved it a little.

Anyways, I’ll leave you with this last sliver of my experience.
Lots of times, other people can see potential in us that we don’t see in ourselves. I have lived this endless times. It’s often how I got jobs and accomplished a lot of things in life. It could happen to anybody.

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thank you @77nick77

most of the time when i use to work when i would get a job i could last a couple months or so but after a while i burn out on it and get sick of it then my mental health would start to suffer. and yea surrendering to stuff that doesnt help me i think is also a good choice too.

you have shared valuable advice especially regarding other people seeing potential in us. i sometimes have a glimmering thought of how i know people that could help me get a gf or something else but they choose not to stick their neck out for me. i think its because of my outlook or maybe they just dont want to risk me or dont think im worth a …
but to be honest just like jobs i think i burn out on certain people too not everyone i still talk to some people in my support circle everyday. i guess it just depends on why or what makes me and the other person or job connected that allows it to dissolve.

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Well, then this will make you feel good: I can totally relate!!

Michael Stipe of R.E.M. once said that he used to feel like he was different and that the things he felt were different than everybody else. But when he started songwriting he said that he learned that no matter what he felt or what he wrote about that there was someone out there who could relate. And that was good enough for him and it made him feel better.

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